this can only happen to me, you couldn't have made it up

Even The Pouring Rain Won't Keep Him Away Now

2008-08-12T20:16:00.004+08:00

I came back to remind you all that this blog is not dead, nor is the author of it. Haha! No, well it's been a hectic month for me so I decided to clear off from writing for a bit. There are days when I just couldn't hold my thoughts together and even if I could, they felt too heavy for me to assess them. I might have been running away, I don't know. Staying away from here seemed the safest thing to do for me, so I'm sorry to all you who expect me to say something here every once in awhile. But I'm back, and I feel for my sorry blog ;)

We as human beings are constantly pressured by the natural forces that make up the continual progression we call, Life. Some of us just can't see the beauty of life, while some do and don't know how to appreciate it. Why I am saying this is because sometimes, we all need indescribable little reminders in our everyday lives to help keep us in check and to motivate us to see a better tomorrow even if we are contented with how today has gone.

I went to have the little Mini Cooper cleaned today at an Indian-owned shack by the roadside somewhere in BU. (Fyi, if you're looking for a place to wash your cars this is a good one cos they are super thorough ;)) Anyway, I was waiting for the car to be done washing when the maca who owned the mamak came by to sit next to me. He initiated some small talk and I went along seeing as he seemed a nice fellow. He talked about his life here and how different it is compared to his home in India and to my surprise, I was intrigued because I found myself face-to-face with the most sincere Indian I have ever met. The stubborn dignity in his eyes and his voice showed me how life has put him through, but I was left awestruck by the statement he made just before I had to leave. He said, "Mari sini Malaysia mau kerja kuat o boss, jika tidak tak boleh dapat duit. Saya suka sini la, rajin kerja pun boleh senang hati". I don't know how it struck me then, but the way he found enjoyment and subtle pleasure in a country where everyone is complaining seemed to get me. And he reminded me of what I already know; that the prudence of man will always bear good fruit. I paid two bucks for a drink that cost 1:20, but I left with a lesson that cannot be bought with monetary terms. I wish I could've taken this old chap to give his speech to the people sitting on the defiled seats of the Malaysian Parliament, because we clearly need people like him to help get our country moving. I hope I don't sound bitter, I'm just expressing my thoughts. =)

Till next time...

Day Fit For A King Humbled By The Pillars That Line His Splendor

2008-07-03T00:09:00.007+08:00

“… dedicated to those who believe in the immensity and the uplifting power of friendship, and especially to those who consider me in the esteem of a big brother, a shoulder to cry on, a nagging old man, a trusted companion, a lover, and finally of a true friend…”

The art of gift-giving is a language of love, a traditional form of generosity expressed in the form of gifts, be it simple or elaborate. Everything I have received on this very day; the cake, wishes, birthday songs, meals, gifts, the Scrapbook… In my eyes, they don’t just carry pecuniary value but sentimental value as well, and I truly see them as rewards for my efforts in being a friend to you all. I do not want to come off as blunt from the previous statement, but I would like to think that everything I have received today has been because I am worthy of it. So as you all read on to truly understand my angle of friendship, I would like you all to take a moment to retrace the steps in your life because I know that, like me, you will realize that true friends will always be there to share your joy and to pick you up when you are at your worst, and they will never let you down if they can help it. The greatness you all think you see in me is all because of you, because of how I am blessed with an amazing gift of being able to draw on the unique strengths of people and incorporate them into my own character. I want to thank you guys for everything that you have done for me to make this birthday one to remember, even when we face periods where we might not see each other for a long time. Every bit of your effort is well & deeply appreciated, and I hope to return the joy that each and every one of you have so generously poured into my life in your own special ways.

The Scrapbook, as it is affectionately known to me, is personally the sweetest concrete gift I have ever received of my 18 years on this planet. It used to be the bicycle I got on my 12th birthday, but I knew I would be getting it whereas the Scrapbook is something I could never have dreamed of having even in my deepest slumber. It is an amazing compilation of beautiful colors and words, but it is more than that to me. The very pages of the Scrapbook, every one of it, represents a bit of your life I can assuredly call my own because of how the sincerity and gratitude flowed from each word into my very heart and spread to the rest of my body, giving me a sense of renewal or reawakening that has lasted until now. I built bridges of friendship because I have a vision of having all my friends around when my biggest dreams come alive, everyone wearing their flawless smiles coupled with sincere expressions that I’ve seen on many of you.

The night I have just experienced with you guys from cell has truly been one of the greatest nights in my life. For that, I will share with you all a little bit from my profound thoughts. As a perceptive person, I have always held an unspoken level of expectation for those I consider my acquaintances. I dare not comment on this aspect of my character as the people who know me do not notice it while the people who keep at a distance find it hard to get to me because of it. But tonight, I was blown away by what each and every one of you contributed to make this night one I will never forget; bringing me on a joy ride to a secluded area where a little restaurant sat in its gloriously amorous grandeur, and I felt like I was in Bali the moment I stepped into it. How you guys took so much consideration as to make me feel so comfortable and belonged tonight really took my breath away, and when you went against my wishes to get the band to sing for me; well, I hope the smile on my face said everything you needed to know. Jeff, I will never forget how you stood there in your nervous self to sing me one of the most timeless songs in the history of romance and personally, no one has ever serenaded me like you did tonight. You guys never knew, but a romantic dinner like tonight did enough to reach into the deepest chambers of my heart and put a smile on my inside that was reflected even on my outside. I sat there lost for words, because for once, I lost myself in my own vocabulary as I could not find the words that would fully captivate how grateful I feel about tonight. A simple “thank-you” will not do, because more than a dinner tonight, you guys taught me a lesson about the good intentions of people.

I always thought people in this world had self-centered motives no matter how nice or charming at heart they may seem. But you all have taught me, that despite the unavoidable motions of reality, people still had true intentions; to bask in the warmth where others find joy, and tonight, you all found me that bit of joy. Every one of you holds a colored brush and with it, you have painted the walls in my mind with unforgettable memories that will last me until the day my mind withers with life. Life has had its share of ups and downs, as many of you will beg to differ, but as for me, a day like this has given me strength and purpose to become the person you all believe rests inside of me.

You may think that I usually make the effort to open up to you guys, but a flame is always started by the frictional motion of two objects (or hearts, for this matter). You all have your own unique attributes, characteristics I am attracted to, and similarities comparable with my own personal composition. Taking these into account, I had to come at you guys from different angles; whether it be by charming you all, buying you drinks, talking about music, sports, or being there when you needed someone most. I am basically trying to say that your life-hardened hearts caused me to utilize my repertoire of outreaching skills to get to know you better, and it brings me nothing but sheer joy to know that I have been nothing more than a sincere companion to all of you. A lot of you made your moves on me too, using your own God-given talents to get me to open up in ways that surprise my own conscious self.

I am not here to boast about any self-consciousness I may seem to portray, but my intentions for writing these lay in the warmth that most of you do not even see in yourself. I have seen glimpses of all your capabilities, and I will admit that each of you have something special and valuable to offer this world and many of you do not realize it because failures and near-misses have put you down. When I was at that point, many of you were there to take notice of me and to lift me up again. My daily drive through the challenges of life are down to the unwavering support I have received from many of you, and just appreciating it is not my thing for I too want what’s best for all of you. My concern for people in general stems from my belief that everyone has a role to play in this earth and for that, they are blessed with something special to bring about change for the better. My friends, you have all taught me time-and-time again that there is always good in everyone and a little love and support is all that is needed to get someone on their way to their path of success.

The writing now becomes a little more humble as I admit my flaws and confess a need to change for the betterment of all those around me, all of you. My temperament and sometimes rash outburst of words may have offended some, if not many of you, and I truly lay down my sincerity at your feet in request of your forgiveness. Hurting someone has never been a part of me that existed, and being hated is the one thing I live to avoid. Sometimes I fail to look at life from your perspectives and I say things that make you question my worth, but my intentions have always been to build and to restore. I want to give back to you all as much as you have graciously sowed in my life, and sometimes I just try too hard. You all know how hard it is for me to say “no” to anyone, and sometimes I live to regret the opportunity costs. But that is only because the happiness you get from my company is where I draw part of my strength. You guys rarely ever see me offended, because my joy is sparked by the little things you guys say and do amongst yourselves; like telling jokes, sharing gossip, listening to music, and exchanging hand-phone numbers. These are the little things that get me, even if I am not involved (but that rarely happens ;)). And I know you all hate it when I sing because of how bad I might sound, but trust me, it is my way of sharing the subtle appreciation I have of life. Don’t expect me to stop anytime soon, because that will only happen if I lose my soul to the depressed side of life.

But given today, I have all the more to sing about and I just want to end this by extending my heartfelt gratitude to all of you who have given up something to be a part of and to share my birthday excitement. None of this would’ve ever happened if it wasn’t for the roles each and every one of you has taken up to make this day one of the best I have ever lived through. Everything you guys did or tried to do for me over the course of the 2nd of July is weighted, in my eyes, more than any quantitive value I can think of. You all introduced me to a new truth in life as well, and it is that you don't need looks, money, or fame to be a celebrity because I was truly made to feel like one today. But the real truth is, every one of you holds superstar status in my life. It may sound a little clichéd to say that you guys rock my world, but I cannot currently find a more befitting statement. Friendship is something I treasure beyond any success I can achieve on my own, and I do not believe in momentary companionships. You're either a friend or you're not, somebody or nobody. But you all are somebody to me, people I can count on to draw my curtains up when it gets dark around me so that sunshine pours back in.

Somewhere down the line of time, every one of you will realize how the smiles of the people you care about can paint sunshine onto your canvas of life. For me, I have already seen it and I wish you all could picture how beautiful you all look on my canvas because of all the spectacular colors you have painted on with your efforts as a friend to me. Your smiles are collected in my box of priceless treasures and many of you have shown me that people could smile with their eyes too, because smiles like that are the hardest to find and it takes more than just years to experience one. But I’m proud to say that the times and instances that have allowed many of us to grow simultaneously have also allowed me to collect eye-smiles that I will cherish for the rest of my journey in this life. You all gave me a day fit for a king, but sometimes a king must take time to remember and cherish the pillars that line his splendor (hence the title for this post) ;)

See you around guys, I love you all. I mean it, every single one of you =)

ps/: comments are truly welcomed and appreciated =)

`juss

Love And Time Are The Best You Can Give Me

2008-07-01T17:56:00.003+08:00

Well well, I took a day off from continuing the previous post because I needed time to let the euphoria of Spain's magnificent achievement sink in. It was an amazing spectacle and I thought there could have been no better way to end the footballing season. Well I watched it, and it was worth it because I waited until the end of June to catch my first full match on screen and I was overjoyed when Spain made it to the finals. To win it, well, it's another thing but it definitely made my night.

Fun to say, I'm currently on a writing spree where I have just finished my first informative article for the Pearl magazine about the traditional Indian art called Kolam and I have just submitted it in to my editor. I really am proud of my work, because I'm not used to doing expository writing. Many of you know how I write, and it's very subjective. However, my work turned out quite alright in my opinion and well, I hope I get to work on more projects.

The first of July has never felt so anticipating for me, mainly because I'm sitting here shaking from the impatience for not being able to open Cerys' gift until tomorrow. Haha! Seeing the gift and having to wait to open it up makes me feel like a kid again, something I have missed for a long time. But this year will always be remembered as the year I received God's special gift, and it is Love. Love was once what I was so afraid of but when it hit me, I couldn't wait to give my heart away. But now I have, and a minute never goes by when I am not thinking of my sweetheart. I wanted it to hit me hard and it has, because now my life seems to spin gracefully on an intricately designed orbit. I thing I noticed about being in love is that you never seem to walk on the ground, but you glide above it. I guess it happens when your head is in the air, and walking just seems like an involuntary, subconscious act of motion. Usually, the little things that she says take my breath away and that is enough to fill a whole lifetime's worth of happiness. One thing I have missed so too much as well is Her smile, That smile that is reflected in those deep, fervent eyes and the smile that belongs to Her is worth more than anything life can offer as a replacement. I am not going to be selfish as to point out that this 2nd of July will probably be the best of my 18 years in existence, but it's true that 2008 will always be remembered as the year I found joy in loving encompassingly for the girl who effortlessly fits the many pieces of my life into a grandiose whole.

This is for you again, Cerys. I love you.

Listen To Your Heart's Beat, Envision The Arrival At Your Dreams, And Everything Will Go The Way You Want

2008-06-30T00:42:00.002+08:00

There is little over an hour left before the finals of this year’s Euro tournament reaches its climax, and a respectable fraction of the world’s population will witness the birth of a new footballing powerhouse. The two finalists, Spain & Germany, will battle it out in the majestic city of Vienna tonight where dreams will come alive for one nation while the other will be left to mend broken hearts. The two nations have been resilient, if not fortunate enough to be in this year’s finals, as the hurdles they have overcome were pre-conceived to be insurmountable before the tournament began. Will the Germans’ experience and mental fortitude give them the edge or will the Spaniards’ technical wizardry and perennial consistency tip the tie in their favor? No accomplished servant to the game is brave enough to indicate a clear favorite and no one knows for sure who has the upper hand, but one thing we are certain of for tonight’s ultimate clash is that both teams will play with a high level of passion and commitment that would make it a spectacle for any neutral who would be watching it.

Indeed, the anxiety and the buzz around the world allows the Beautiful Game to deservedly live up to its endearing tag. Don’t forget to catch all the action live on Astro, on NTV 7 or on TV3. Okay, I sounded totally like an Astro spokesperson right then =) There, short & simple for tonight. Later!

He's Familiar With The Sound, The Sound You Make Every Time You Leave

2008-06-24T00:47:00.010+08:00

I’m going to give myself credit for even coming back here to update my blog tonight, because it’s been awhile and I was hoping it’d be longer because there’s just nothing to talk about these days. Let’s see, a whip of boredom, a tinge of regret, and load of indolence really make these three months a mental monster to put up with and this blog has had to suffer the worst part of it. There hasn’t been a lot going on, and I may be contradicting myself when I say that it sucks to have it this way. And that’s because I’ve started watching movies again, and this month’s load of films are definitely within my category of “must watch”.

One of those movies that anyone, who has a heart capable of experiencing the orthodox of human emotions, should catch is the romantic comedy with a modern twist, Made Of Honour. Before it premiered, it was bound to generate rave reviews from the media and it did, because unlike its predecessors of clichéd love stories, this movie not only portrayed a man who did everything he could until he got the girl he loved but it showed the lady’s touch in every man’s life. And I thought that was uniquely depicted within the film. The movie not only stirred my emotions to good effect on a hopeless evening, but it further solidified my self-established theory that people tend to fall for their best friends of the opposite sex. Okay, this theory of mine is based on countless second-person experiences & observations and it could be turned into a law if not for some exceptional cases (e.g. gays). Hey, I did my homework. Even the movie, Over Her Dead Body, portrayed something of the like but I’d rather not go there because of the spectral difference in plot.

Anyway, the movie taught me something about life and it is that no matter how life moves you through the motions of change and maturity, what you hold dear to your heart will be subconsciously nurtured by your own soul into something that would give you happiness of an entire sense and it would make you chase it down until you make it yours. Much of this roller-coaster life of mine has depicted me as the protagonist in a scene such as this, but the twist in my story is how I’ve already found and chased down the one girl who would give me love in its supreme entirety for the rest of my life.

Cerys if you’re reading this, you know you’re That Girl and I can never be happier seeing my life grow in the grace of your ever-present support and belief in who I am and who I can be for You. I know I’ll deeply regret spending the years apart from you not being able to watch you from day-to-day as you take new steps to greater heights in your life, but I know that at the summit of my complete joy and fulfillment is where we will soon share the biggest dreams that can only be derived from two people in love. With you, it's certainly beyond difficult what with the pain of not having you around just so I could have a glimpse of the girl who makes me tick, but I love how we make up for it by making every minute spent together a memorable part of our growing list of cherishable memories. And you know one day soon, we'll never have to be apart ever again. I'm not in this because I'm falling into denial again, Cerys, you know I'm not either. But it just feels so perfect with you and around you is how I become vulnerable and yet secured at the same time. It's got to be the way you take me to a slow dance in your silence, and then making me weak with the way you look through your amazing eyes. I love how you believe you can be Her for me, because that little bit of confidence in yourself so hot enough to replace the sun on a Malaysian evening. And I know you trust me, but I want you to fall on me because you know I will catch you no matter how often you fall as you said you will lean on my love as you feel it is where you belong. I can’t say on your behalf that with me is truly where you belong but on my part, with you is where I SEE myself at my happiest and oh I FEEL it too. I can never take the thought you hurting you, as it torments me deeper than pins & needles in my very chest. I want to make you smile as often as you think about me, because I certainly have that vibe with you. I told you before how I held on to something I thought was worth it, only to let it go in the end because it turned out not to be. Since falling in love with you, I’ve found a stronger conviction and inner belief to hold on to you because, from the deepest of my thoughts right down to the center of my heart, I know you are worth it, You are Her, and there can be no one else more perfect for me than you are in your very self. Every time I search into my soul, I sense the captivating beauty of your affection transcending through the very chambers of my mysterious heart that is continually unraveling itself through the sifting magic of your love. Remember how I told you about seeing your very soul through the reflection of a mirror? Well, I’d like you to take a moment’s guess to try to imagine how often I look at my own soul in the mirror, smiling meekly because of the warmth of life you breathed into it. If there is a happier day to come in my life Cerys, it will only be second to the day we fell in love and promised to hold on to our everlasting dreams. As my lover, you know you’re in for the best time of you've ever had and I know I will be the guy to fit seamlessly into the missing spot in your life’s jigsaw just as how you did in mine. Forever belongs to us as forever exists for us, and I know We will be together hand-in-hand when our dreams magnificently blossom before our very eyes like the aurora lights on a northern winter night. Hold on, never let go, and smile always for me my darling, because it takes both of us and I’m not ever giving up what I want in this life (and only you know what it is) with you <3

This one’s for Cerys, thank her for giving me the inspiration to be back here again =)

p.s/ Cerys, this might bore you a bit because of how you read things like this from me almost everyday. But I thought it'd be special to put one up here cos like I told you right, I'd like to share a part of this with you <3

Captivating The Essence Of A Forlorn Mind

2008-06-02T20:18:00.005+08:00

So I'm doing this TAG post because JeremyG decided to tag me, and I reckon it's gonna be a little fun to search deep into myself and provide the framework to which people can see me as a person. Without anymore crap I tend to include in simple posts, I better get down to it right now. So here it goes,....

6 things I'm passionate about;

1. Writing
2. Romance
3. Colours
4. Clothes
5. Music
6. Spending forever with Her <3

6 things I say too often;

1. "oh my God...."
2. "Ya wanna fight?"
3. "Lemme think"
4. "Let's do something fun"
5. "I'm broke"
6. "I miss Cerys"

6 books I've read recently;

1. "For One More Day"
2. "Tuesdays With Morrie"
3. "Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows"
4. "Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince"
5. "Harry Potter & The Order of The Phoenix"
6. "A Brother's Journey"

6 songs I can listen to over and over again;

1. "The Water" - Trent Dabbs
2. "Los Angeles" - Peter Bradley Adams
3. "Twenty Years" - Augustana
4. "A Beautiful Mess" - Jason Mraz
5. "Someday Soon" - Nathan Angelo
6. "Smile" - Todd Carey feat. Sara Bareilles

6 things I've learnt over the past year;

1. People don't always get what they want.
2. God has a plan for everything.
3. People don't have to suffer alone.
4. Some people are self-centered and are just looking for a fight.
5. People who truly care stick by you even at your worst.
6. True love is what sets us apart as emotional beings.

Auburn Anguish Through The Elegiac Dawn

2008-05-29T14:13:00.002+08:00

It’s been a long week, and it feels strangely longer after the exams. I have been juggling with the options I am left with since the rejection of Singapore, but I have been very afraid of taking the next step in considering them. Truth be told, the rejection not only took away the option to study where I think would be most conducive and expedient, but it also took a lot of the decisiveness I held within myself to further my education in Law. I still check my email every time I can with hope of a rebound message, one that would give me a reason to look forward to tomorrow in terms of my education. But with every passing day, that hope seems to slowly fade away as the wait and expectation starts to seem futile.

Right now, I’m in a fragile state. I am thinking rationally, believe me, but I am still recovering from the heartache and disappointment of not having one of my most crucial goals reached. Most people have it that wounds heal over time, and I am not one to argue because this wound is certainly one I have to get over soon and permanently. I have been to looking to find that reassurance and confidence in my strengths, as Mr. Terry Boucher said that I have many of them others would kill to have. And I want to start in my next path motivated that I will achieve more than I believe I can and knowing that I will not regret the choice of not going back to where it all began for me, Canada.

Of all these things I have been searching for; assurance, motivation, confidence, security, peace of mind, and rationality, I know that I have to discover these and mould them with my current predicaments to derive the best possible decision for myself. Stupid thing is, I find it the hardest thing to do right now and I know that I am not walking alone because of the tremendous support and belief people have had around me, but they just don’t see that my choices stem not only from current realizations but also from future appetence as well. I might not be making sense, because I myself do not see sense in my current low. I have been urged to give myself a pat on the back and to enjoy the end of my final term in CIMP, and I so really wish I can. I will find the time to give myself that vital break, the one Cerys said is the best break I can ever have before university, but until then I will be going through the same cycle every day; thinking, fearing, stoning, procrastinating, and thinking again.

I have found a reason not to be disappointed in myself, because I my dedication and commitment showed even when I kept a low profile in college. I am proud of myself for having the courage to exceed where people would see failure, and to pursuit dreams people would find ludicrous. My current desolation has caused me to feel that I may have been dreaming too hard at times, but I figured that naturally big-hearted people find the room and confidence in themselves to dream big dreams. Realization of these dreams do not always happen and I go to God every night humble with my brokenness and not angry with them, for if there is One being who is able to bring goodness and fulfillment from the ruins of failure it is God. I know in Him I can trust and my hurt is restored in His love.

My motivation has led me this far before it stumbled over an obstacle and now I seek alleviation of pain to carry on. I like how the sun tries to encourage me these days, and how lights seem to embolden the colors of beauty I never saw expressed until now. It is with these little discoveries that I leave you here to appreciate the title of this post =)

The Pain Can't Trust The Smile

2008-05-24T01:15:00.004+08:00

I knew the next post that would be up on this sorry blog would either be an ecstatic one or an unbelievably melancholic one. I waited, and I have been waiting until now, to put something up that would define my next course of action for my life. And I’m sorry, only too sorry myself, that it has to be a post that most people will find dispiriting. I have tried so long, so hard to find truth in perseverance and relief in hard work that when it all came down to nothing, it feels like I did not need a heart to begin with anyway.

The Friday sun I had got up to earlier today had long disappeared behind a cluster of robust clouds. The sunshine in the early part of the morning had greeted me with tranquil warmth as I went through the pages of my textbook, that I subconsciously ignored the sound pollution that came through my open window. I was copying my notes all over again because this is how I usually study, and by writing I actually get words and principles into my head better than reading them off their pages. And I spent two straight hours revising, like I knew I had a chance. I revised like I did today because I knew inside myself that I could get a perfect score for my papers on Monday. I was convicted that nothing was going to stand in my way and I was so fully focused that I even became annoyed at the fact that I had to break for lunch, because I had not had anything to eat earlier. Later on, I had to leave with a driver to pick up my cousins from OU and I noticed, as I was heading into Tropicana, that the sky had turned hopelessly glum. You see, I have always noticed that the weather could tell how your day was going to turn out to be but I forewent the idea that my day was going to suck because I held strong convictions about myself and my goals but little did I know that I was to be pushed off my cliff of confidence in a matter of hours. After the workout at the club, I went online to check my mail and strangely there was only one mail in my inbox when I always had at least two to ten. I saw who it was from and my heart stopped for a second, or two, as I clicked to open it. The university that I had all my hopes on sent that email and I went straight to the concluding sentences because I needed to know just One thing. Was I In or was I Out? I had to read the second-last sentence at least three times over to finally accept that I did not get through and it felt as if my heart fell out of my chest, ran itself through fragmented glass, and gingerly climbed back into my chest again. I sat there lost for words, my confidence shattered, and my mind completely blank. It was only until I got a phone call from Zane did I snap out of disbelief back into reality, and it did not take long before “they” started to trickle down my face, in big, heavy droplets.

I thought I could avoid “them” for at least a year or so because it is rarely ever a good thing to me when “they” come. But “they” came today, and it was only obvious why “they” did. I had spent the last year-and-a-half with my heart and soul set into my studies, staying up late nights and making long, distant trips just so my work would condone to my own personal standards. I lived so hard and sacrificed so much just so I could be proud of what I would achieve in the future, today, only to find out that it was all for nothing. I have been marginalized by the cruelty of systems and that has left me drained of my passion to sit the exams with a purpose. No wait, I do not even feel the same desire to study anymore for the paper because it would just all be a waste of my effort. I am sure of my grades, and surplus to that would just make me seem desperate. Looking at past and present course mates, I know I’d graduate with brighter prospects than at least 90% of them but still, I could not get what I had wanted so badly. I am not only bitter because I did not get into my preferred institution of higher education, but also because of the ever-increasing likelihood that I will be staying back here to do my degree when everyone I had grown up with are going over, across, South, North, anywhere AWAY to experience a whole new world. I was so set on leaving on my own new path, to start life anew in a brand new culture that I practically left my heart on the spot on the map where I wanted to go. I do not want to be here, to see the same people and be tied down to things that are still close to me. I want to be left unattached somewhere on my own, to learn independence through loneliness and to find meaning in the struggles. The expectations I had on myself had always seen me ride the obstacles through my education, and I expected so much more as I lost sight of every hurdle. Maybe this is why I’m shattered like I am now, because I expected too much when after all, my efforts are not good enough. I never thought I was unworthy of anything until today, when the one thing I had hoped so much for had gone against me in the time when I am most fragile, pressured to do well in the coming exam. I look around me and I see people rising up, but I search inside me and I see my dreams crumbling down. I have always known that failure has a humbling effect on people, but this is taking me further into utter desolation.

People are telling me that there is a plan somehow somewhere in this abominable situation, but I am still trying to see how and why. I thought my plan was good enough and if I were to be broken like this in favor of an alternative direction, I await with a smirk to see what is in stored. I was actually on a flight to realizing my dreams, when reality smashed the tailfin of my plane with a strike of failure. I have proved myself through all the little stages but I failed where it matters most. I long to take back time so I can try harder still because efforts are certainly not justified by my current predicament. I know I had my chance and no one who knows me will say that I did not take it, because I did with both hands and my feet. There is no doubt I’ll come back stronger though, but it just hurts so much to be led into a deep, dark ditch when everyone else is walking around it. I feel so alone, I am clueless, and I am disheartened. I am trying to search, but I do not know where to start or even if I should. The point is that my hope is broken and I am without a shadow at the moment, I can only drift between thoughts of pain and emotions of regret but strangely, it feels just like where I could spend this night.

The Fear You Won't Fall

2008-04-26T18:58:00.003+08:00

There is a type of silence that sends the coldest of chills down the spine of the heart. It temporarily drains the mind of thought and the tongue of the ability to speak. It is more daunting than standing alone in a cemetery's courtyard at night, and it is deeper than the mysteries of the abyss. The unshakeable fear overwhelms and constricts the consciousness of a person down to nothing. Imagine a black hole opening up at the center of the earth that is pulling everything into it with its almighty span of gravity. You know you’re sinking, but you’re stuck not knowing what to do. It gets to a point where you’re actually wondering what happens when you’re sucked in and then, you crash. You crashed at the non-existent guilt and regret. They are non-existent because you believe in yourself and you know the truth in your heart, but this draining silence is shared between those who are in love. It calls out for you, to throw down everything you have when instead, nothing to show. There can never be anything so open, yet closed in its own nature. This type of silence could be the only one that leaves a reminder in the ears of the listener. It is not something easy to handle, because it burns. And he will never wanna face something like that again, because though happiness hits snags along the way, she deserves better than that and he knows he can be better for her.

It's Amazing, That Look In Your Eyes Like You Can Save Me

2008-04-17T18:21:00.006+08:00

I just had what most people know as a “nap” to ease my mind of the weight that it’s been carrying. Before the nap, I felt as if my head weighed a ton and so when I woke up I felt refreshed. I woke up feeling lighter, like I had taken off the old heavy, ragged clothes and put on a smooth, new linen robe. Simultaneously, I felt like I had dived into an icy cool lake with a waterfall where I only heard the sound of the rushing water and nothing else around. I felt like dreaming was only an inch away from my fingertips and I was singing to myself as Andy Davis was coming out from mainstream. I was conscious of the other people around me playing at that waterfall, signifying the pollution of noise and hassle in my home, but I wasn’t concerned as I only had my hearing span as far tuned to the sound of rushing water.

And my mind painted a clearer image, for I was there without a care in the world

I was conscious of my thoughts while I was “napping”, as they swirled and wandered effortless past my subconscious eyes but the beauty of that nap was that I felt that these thoughts were not mine. The nap I took was never a deep sleep, and yet I fell so far as to almost dreaming of the possibility of a perfect world. No one ever has this illusion these days, for the world and its hopelessness are taking everyone so far down the lost maze of destruction and confusion that no one knows which way is up anymore. Anointed dreamers who dare dream of this “perfect world” are few, while most thinkers are fortunate enough to believe that peace and happiness still exist beneath the ruins of this incredible upheaval that is omnipresent in this current state of the world. I am one of them believers, for I see my dreams and happiness intact despite the world being in tatters. But I cannot help but be moved by the deteriorating condition of the people, and I observe their lack of godliness and sense every day. People are moving away from the light, the light that keeps us in our direction and the light that allows us to see us as we really are. People are thinking illogically and cynically now, so much so that sometimes I wonder if they are really thinking at all.

A debate broke out in class today about the topic of abortion, where the person supporting it said that it was better to end the life of a premature foetus so that it did not have to suffer the displeasure and ungratefulness of an unwilling parent. He was very staunch in his belief that the baby could be spared of discrimination and unhappiness by being aborted, while even the presenter of the topic emphasized the wishes of the mother ahead of the life of the baby! I had to sit there in disgust with my mouth shut the entire time because I knew my opinion would be regarded as a religious view, not an ethical one. Think I’m a coward for not speaking up? How would you feel if someone spat in your face by saying that Christianity does not apply to anyone who is not a Christian just because it is stated in the Bible that life is life at the moment of conception? See, I tried to speak up earlier but I gave the presenter her opportunity to speak and her argument against mine was that life in a foetus only begins in the second trimester of the pregnancy. I sat there finally understanding the general perception of the world towards abortion but I was hurt, because I am totally against the eradication of potentially beautiful babies. I thought that was the worst part of the session, but I was so wrong. Who I would have done anything not to face stood in front of me telling me the sad truth that officially ruined my morning for good. The lecturer Miss Shima was sharing the methods of aborting a baby, and she was just going on and on like life had no sentimental meaning to her. What I loathed the most about it was the malice in her eyes and the fact that she was sharing it with a smile on her face twisted my heart just as much as it did my insides. I could not take another word from her, I avoided her sinister look as much as I could, and I left as soon as the cue to go came about. After today, I swear I could knock my head against the wall as hard as I can for every child that has had to face a premature ending.

You just can't see them cry because deep down, you know you will too

It has been so disturbing that I wish I could do something about it, but I know I would not make so much of a difference when right here right now a couple or more babies are being executed simultaneously. Babies, even premature ones, should never ever know the meaning of pain before they even see their parents whom they have been feeding off. Everyone, at the time of conception, deserves a chance at life because potentially, they may hold the key to a brighter future for the entire world. But as the world continues to spin on its twisted orbit, greed and exploitation continue to overshadow the little that is left in the good side of man. I have always believed that love could cure all things, and sometimes it is within the tenderness of love that people start to see life in a more unselfish way. I only wish more people knew how to love like I know they can.

If It Is True That Love Is Blind, Then I Am Blind Willingly

2008-04-16T20:57:00.005+08:00

So I thought I'd do something different on this blog, something perhaps more personal because it is My blog. But anyway, I'm responding to a tag by Zane and I thought it'd be fun. Haha! I know I've had a few tags already, but to those that I've disregarded I'm sorry. So let's get this over with:

1. What is your favourite food?
Ice cream, because it's hers too =)

2. Have you given your first kiss away?
I wish I had given it to Cerys, but they all feel like firsts with her =)

3. If you were to be stranded on a desert island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you?
Probably Jeremy to keep my sanity in check, Zane to laugh with, and Cerys to hold on to until we get rescued.

4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
On earth, it'd be Rome or Paris. Intuitively, it has always been heaven. But for now, anywhere but Sunway please...

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
This one is easy, in an Armani suit watching her as she walks down the aisle to me in her custom-made Christian Lacroix. Wow...

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
There's always a rainbow after the rain how I see it.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
Being this happy in love with the only girl I could ever fall for this way.

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
I would, definitely. Life is too short!

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
Funny, loyal, and crazy brilliant.

11. What's the one thing you like about yourself?
My way with words.

12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
Back-stabbing, two-faced "life unworthy of life".

13. What is your ambition?
Being a leader in whatever I do.

14. If you have fault, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
If the truth doesn't hurt so much, then they could point them out. ;)

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Being happy with the people I care about, free of guilt or shame.

16. Are you a shopaholic or not?
Oh yes, I'm also a money-holic. Lame!

17. Find a word to describe the person who tagged you.
I thought I mentioned three points damn it?! Well, he's great because I love him.

18. What will you do when someone faints in front of you?
Give him/her air, and water. Zane you mofo! Can you only think of girls in this kinda situation? Haha! But it sounds good though, M2M resuscitation =)

19. What makes you different?
My way of thinking and feeling, they're unlike what most people will ever go through.

20. When is your birthday?
JULY 2, people!

So here it is, my first ever tag activity and I think I handled that pretty well don't you think? Haha! I should be studying, but I don't wanna. I wish I was free from the feelings that bind me to the essence of a human being. But love feels so good, how could I ever have lived so long without feeling like this? I could rip my heart out and sing like I'm on top of the Atlas Mts. Thank God for music, the right dose can really do wonders to the soul. I have to go, I'm being too random. Haha! Ciao!

And You Can't Help Falling Down As This Crazy World Goes Round

2008-04-12T23:38:00.002+08:00

Thursday the 10th was the day I learned that the important elements in life could be spelled and laid out on the table, offered by the giver to the receiver’s prerogative of whether to accept or refuse. Elements like these are, as were mentioned on the night itself, hard work, commitment, passion, leadership, responsibility, and so much more. It may seem noble to take in everything because, hey who would not want such noble virtues right? Well, it was not so easy as I had found out within the hour of the chat with Jeremy Lee. Sure he knew what he had laid out in front of me, but he wanted to know if I could take those virtues in within myself and look him in the eye and say that I will use them honestly and to the best of my abilities. I know it does not make sense, what I have just typed in the lines above but I am hoping to carve a clearer picture as the post goes along.

The two words, or technically one term, that I had learned that night and that is still etched in my mind is “self-actualization”. Jeremy mentioned it as we made our way to an intimate rendezvous in Bangsar, the perfect setting for a good, long chat. Making our way through the crowded section to our seats in the lonely corner and away from the hustle and bustle of people going about their normal lives, I considered the word for a long time. I had a sense that I knew exactly what the term meant and a gut feeling that it is somehow perfectly applicable to my own life. Jeremy had drawn me something like a triangle, or I would say something like Pascal’s triangle but only without numbers. He wrote the words “basic needs” at the base of this triangle while the term “self-actualization” sat at its summit. Still, I could not figure out what this word meant and I finally gave up in trying to conclude a meaning to it, so I asked. Jeremy took a moment in thought before giving me an example of his life, and how this word applied to him & every other human being. Self-actualization, in the context in which Jeremy had given me, apparently means the complete satisfaction of a human being, where he no longer has any needs and no more substantial wants. Self-actualization is at the top of the triangle of humane requirements for a complete and a rewarding life. Then it made sense to me, of how everyone starts off from basic needs and they make their way up that triangle to that almost perfect achievement of self-actualization. Why a triangle is used in this context is because not everyone makes their way to the top, some fall off and some give up trying to make it to the top. And then it also hit me that the use of the term is as rare as the people who are at that stage in their lives. Self-actualization is a rare phenomenon in reality where people do not actually need anything more to be happy because they already are. Through the glint in Jeremy’s eyes, I knew how this feeling worked and I figured that I should be at that very same top some day. I needed to know how to get there, and as far as Jeremy is concerned, reality throws everything it can against you from reaching that top. Again, this is a battle with reality but one I am willing to emerge victorious because of joy that emits from Jeremy’s own personality. Sometimes it is hard to tell self-actualization apart from gratification because of the way new things come about during the long years you have on this planet, but I see myself at that top, not being just grateful but at that point of self-actualization. Self-actualization is a gradual process, which brings me to mention one of Hitz.fm’s trademark “community-reach” comments: “It is not the years in your life, but the life you put in your ears”. And then I figured that anyone can be self-actualized, but they need to know where they are going and what they are doing to get there. Contentment plays a role in this as I have mentioned my opinion about living right in the previous post. To conclude this chapter of thought and a new experience, I would like to think of self-actualization as a goal because it sure sounds meaningful and rewarding. I have got a faith and I have love, so let’s see what reality has to throw at me to keep me from that summit. Peace!

It’s Still In Our Hands And Our Best-Laid Plans Are All On Our Side

2008-04-04T11:03:00.000+08:00

Tonight never felt so refreshing. It is as if I have found myself amidst my consciousness of how cruelly unpredictable the world can be, how fast it is spinning, and how aware I am that what I hold dear to me would be gone in the next subconscious blink of an eye. Awareness of this world, I repeat, has found me my true self. It was companionship that I needed to set this search on its way, the sharing of two minds going through the same shaping process of what we all know as Maturity. I knew today was the perfect moment, I was with the perfect person to share what I needed assurance in believing and to hope for the perfect one day when we will all return to where it all began to review the steps we have taken towards our destiny. My unending stream of thought have been reliant on the following questions: Where am I going? Will I be who I once was to these people? Will I get what I want? Will I be happy? And finally, I needed to know if I will see everyone and all these familiar places the same way ever again few years down the line.

I shared the night with JeremyG, the one person who understood exactly what I had to say, the person who begged to differ from my own hopes and fears, and the person with whom mutual support has always been kindly unspoken. We talked about family, careers, nostalgia, and everything else we could think of within the short period of the hour-and-a-half. We took the trip down memory lane to see if what we have been through is good enough to pull us through University, we questioned the path we took before we started at Sunway, we questioned Sunway, we sought answers to life at University when we have not even begun the first year, we laid the thin sheet of plans to meet again, and we sought meaning and assurance from the Higher Power who controls what we cannot. However, our 18 years of life have taught us not to see life from a set perspective, for it can crush the spirit. How we have made it to where we are have so very often depended on how we have hoped for the best. Am I trying to say that luck played a part? Well, I clearly do not suggest that luck fell upon us from the Heavens above. I have clearly instilled in my mind, along with possible support from the ones who walked down a similar path as I have, that we certainly made the best out of our luck. We created our own luck, like we did enough for ourselves to warrant us equal opportunities to do whatever we have set in our hearts to fulfill.

The constant worry that plagued our minds tonight was not so much of the future, but of the present and whether we felt sufficiently prepared to take the next crucial step up the ladder of life, University. Reviewing the path we took through homeschooling and CIMP in Sunway was how we analyzed this particular worry, and it was encouraging to hear how Jeremy felt satisfied with what he has been through to begin what we believe to be the next four years of toil. I begged to differ, however, for I have always been and will continue to be a critic of my performance and contribution of and to CIMP. It is not that I have never liked the program nor am I saying that it is not the right course to be in, but I felt that I learned more outside the college than in it. College continues to feel like a place where I did not get enough because what was offered was never good enough for me, and it continues to pose significant challenges to my principles. People I chose to call friends and the persistence it took me to overcome specific math equations were the only things that kept me real at college. Some people talk about leaving your mark of originality on a place that means something to you, but Sunway felt only like a small stepping stone to what I know I already am as a person. Take out the education it provided out from the equation and I can tell you that I did not need to be in there. But then this thought becomes too familiar for all to relate, does it not? Talk about being a snob, but I will tell you that it takes sincerity and a critical mindset to admit what you never needed in the first place. It is with this analytical review that I challenge myself not to be branded by my pride and my ego, as some would say. But I continue to think ahead and look forward to the life ahead of me, all the while overcoming the occasional obstacles of assignments and quizzes that still count to my final grades. One thing for sure is I have to get out of this place for the world needs me and there isn’t enough of me to go about =)

Nostalgia is not an emotion. It is an illness that causes the mind to contract, limiting the train of thought from gaining the best of a new environment to being stuck behind the familiar “four walls” where risks were minimal and routines set on a daily basis, with surprises few if there were ever any. Nostalgia is a barrier to reaching the goals that you have worked all your life to fulfill, a hindrance to being the best that you can be. The sad thing about nostalgia is that it is too common, affecting young minds who seek challenges elsewhere to become better, ethical people. But success stories are made by people who found inner strength within their hearts to not only carry the heavy burden of nostalgia down the path to success, but also to throw it off their backs as they become accustomed to and aware of the contribution they make to their new surroundings. These are people who have risen to the occasion, stood up, and be counted for. Do be encouraged, for we live amongst success stories. Stories unheard off and stories never to be uncovered also exist as people reap their rewards of perseverance, slowly leaving behind the pain and burden that once troubled them. I believe people are too beautiful at heart to be influenced by this twisted, entropy-destined planet. But I take heart from the staunch belief that people, regardless of color language, have it in their hearts to find that inner strength, that extra 10%, and that fear of screwing up to be able to carry on living their ideal lives despite the dangers and pit holes existing in every step of the way.

With this, I conclude by saying that all we need is the right motivation and state of mind to take what is rightfully ours in this world. What is rightfully ours is what we deserve to have as we make honest people of ourselves in trying to reach those targets. Respect, admiration, and a place in this world we can call our own stems from the toil and labor that we’ve sowed into the fertile ground of opportunities. Finally, living right is the best way of knowing that the joy in our future successes will be unrivalled to any other emotion. Controversy ensues from my perception of living right, because there can be the religious viewpoint, the ethical viewpoint, and many other viewpoints that may well be considered as measures to living right. It will be safe and sincere for me to say that living right is living the best of your life in each passing day, doing what you think pleases those around you. Contentment of the heart and a guilt-free conscience is my final line of defining the term, and I do believe it is a very adequate one at that. But we as humans fall short of these ideal virtues, for no man can be infallible. It takes every bit of our consciousness to realize that what we can possibly achieve, when perfection is concerned, that it is nowhere near the definition of the word itself. However, I believe that trying our best does a good deal to the spirit and of contentment to the heart. I’ll leave with this, later.

My Once-In-A-Lifetime Kind Of Feeling

2008-04-02T19:33:00.002+08:00

"Past experiences have acted as immunizations against the detrimental effects of doubt and disbelief in the joy and motivation-to-live you get from hoping ambitiously against reason." - April 1, 2008

"In an amalgamating society where love takes on a blindingly cruel and cynical perception, only with the truest of hearts can it make its way back to becoming the fairytale emotion and seemingly cast its spell of perfection and permanence on those who truly deserve it." - April 2, 2008

"You don't regain your first love immediately after you've lost it. Treading in the waters of uncertainty and pain is the best way to ensure that when you find love again, it will be just as true and perfect as your First" - April 2, 2008

So if you guys wanna know what I have recently been up to instead of updating this sorry blog, I've been thinking. These little streams of thought are just a few of those that have flooded my mind in recent weeks. When someone says that you have too much to live for, you just dive into your soul to search for truth. And truth is not deemed as facts of the outside world, it is what you know yourself as true because your heart believes in it. So don't say you have too much to live for because you have long years ahead of you, because it wouldn't matter if you don't put the best of your life in those years. Fears, they come and stick to your best dreams like leeches on the host. But fear is what keeps you real, and it makes you stronger to carry out what you have in your heart. So don't say you're afraid to fly, because it is what keeps you from dreaming big. Search for your true dreams and try to live for them, because they'll take you to where happiness will be most complete and rewarding. Thank you for reading, I'll be back soon.

Someone Somewhere

2008-03-28T14:50:00.001+08:00

Someone is waiting
Someone who understands exactly how you feel
Exactly how you feel..
Someone is dreaming
Someone is hoping just that this will be the day
That this will be the day..
That you take your eyes off the ground
Out of the blue
And see that someone is looking right
Back at you..

Maybe that someone's me
Maybe it's meant to be
Lovers, strangers
Sometimes bombs fall quietly..
Maybe it's chemistry
Maybe it's hard to see that someone is the right one
I hope that someone is me..

Nobody's perfect
Nobody's perfect no one really knows the truth
All we've got's a point of view..
And there's too many questions
There's too many questions and too many reasons not to try
There's too many reasons not to try..
But you should take your eyes off the ground
Out of the blue
And see that someone is looking right
Back at you..

Maybe that someone's me
Maybe it's meant to be
Lovers, strangers
Sometimes bombs fall quietly..
Maybe it's chemistry
Maybe it's hard to see that someone is the right one
I hope that someone's me..

Where ya gonna go from here??
Cause everything you need's out there
And you can have it if you dare
If you dare
There's someone somewhere..

Maybe that someone's me
Maybe it's meant to be
Lovers, strangers
Sometimes bombs fall quietly..
Maybe it's chemistry
Maybe it's hard to see that someone is the right one
I hope that someone's me..

Don't Let The Sun Rise Before This Day Is Made Brand New

2008-03-13T18:04:00.004+08:00

I'm back, and that's a good thing for me personally because I'm finally ready to come out of my shell and write again. It's been a while seen I last had this urge to put my thoughts into words, but it didn't feel like a particularly long absence. Did it?

Anyway, back to me. I'm currently living in a period where everything's going kinda smooth for me. I've not had that in awhile, not to mention the time to even realize the kind of days in which I'm living. It feels like someone's playing a prank on me, I'm not being skeptical but everything feels so much lighter and the days seem to be passing quicker than usual. Maybe it's the music, because there's only been the right type of music these days. And when I say that, I don't mean four minute songs with only a couple of lines. These few days, there's actually been some meaning, truth, and original emotions behind the lyrics and the tunes, or at least I seem to think so. But to tell you the truth, the music has helped me breathe in so many other ways other than the way my lungs do it. It's really helped a lot, because I've once again started to smile for no apparent reason at all. Now, I can't even remember the last time I was able to do so but all I can recall was that the last time I did, I was in a very happy state. It looks like I'm finding my way back to those times, or are those times coming back to me? Let me take a bold step in questioning if these times are better than they were before, because I'm seeing signs that they could be. I've even found time to think, and I'm thankful for having such a critically-mindful personality because I get to list and consider things and decisions that would suit myself and those I love. It is now that I finally get to plan for what I want because this ability to think and prioritise has given me a vision of what I'd be 6-10 years from now. Personally and without bias, I see good things in my life and I realize that the best things will be shared with my other half. It is with this that I know that screwing up is not an option, hard work and dedication are the only ways forward, and trusting my future in the One who's already seen it are the only guidelines to achieving those dreams without the fear of missing out. And to me, the ability to remember and reminisce is beyond any physical talent God can give. Memories and "once-were" thoughts that plague the mind are just the sort of motivation that would get you through any day. They make you remember the times you were there to laugh or cry and sometimes, you even fall into a daze and realize that for that split second, you were actually there again. Daydreaming, in that context, has become like a daily routine for me due to predictably boring classes in college.

Besides all that, I've started a job. It's something that I definitely like because I get to help my little cousins Owen, Euvern, and Chyen with their academic performances. It's definitely a challenge tutoring the kids, but I love what I do and it would always have been something I'd willingly give my time up for. It's good pay too despite the long drives up to Cheras alone, but it compensates accordingly.

Well then, I guess it's safe to say I'm back up on my feet again and living each day as if it was my last. I could never have done it without the constant support of believers and the Lover, so a great of sincere appreciation and love will always be set aside for these people. It really does take a couple of words to break you, but at the same time, a little more heart in smaller words can lead you by the hand to directions and truth that you were never able to see on your own.

And I had to come back to edit this post to stress how disappointed I am to miss Colbie Caillat at the Curve. She's always been the favorite above all my other favorite artists and I had to miss her for church. It's sad really, and because after seeing the pictures taken of her by Levi & Jeremy I knew I had missed out on something I would've loved to be part of. Her songs give me a different feel, almost like an obvious and distinct sense of a fairytale emotion. I don't know, can't think now. I feel like crying, *starts singing* "if you just realize what I just realized, then we'd be perfect for each other....."

I Always Swore To You I'd Never Fall Apart Because You've Always Thought That I Was Stronger

2008-03-08T22:01:00.005+08:00

Oh, it's good to be back here. I've thought of coming back to post for awhile now but I never had the time nor the inspiration to do so until today, and I've got pictures for you guys of the trip I had with the family in PD on the links below:

Part I: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=95343&id=605190384

Part II: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=97014&id=605190384

Anyway, I regret to say that the unparalleled positive ambience in the photos do not complement the reason for me posting tonight. In fact, it is an obvious contradiction and I am about to tell explain why. The last week saw my temperament pushed exceedingly to its limit and I finally broke out at the expense of someone who cared alot about me. I know it's fair to say that it doesn't make much sense to you guys because I've not done my part in updating anyway, and I know it's fair to claim that I was never in control of my temper anyway. But this week was different, because I got pushed so bad that I thought the Devil acted through me. I've been going through alot lately, and God knows I am one who never handles stress well at all. I could mention the stress from college, I could say that I have not had enough sleep, and I can even blame it on the anxiety and hassle from university application correspondence. But when I think about it, it is these things that keep me busy everyday anyway, which leads me back to myself asking if my temperament is self-exerted? And then I started telling myself that I should not be the one to blame, but the extra pressure and expectations that is exerted on me by the ones who care the most about me. I cannot deal with being told what to do, I cannot be criticized, and I cannot be constantly scrutinized and expected to work miracles because I am only human. And being able to say that should supposedly be my saving grace for my shortcomings as a temperamental person. I seem to admit that I am not perfect, and yet I don't sense a tinge of guilt or remorse for the rebelliousness provoked within me and neither do I feel like I've committed any sort of sin in the first place anyway. I was rebuked for a lack of respect, so then tell me why I am so well-liked by people up of all sorts? I do not believe that I am hypocritical enough to choose-and-pick people and exert "charm" on them to get them to like me. I know I treat people the way they ought to be treated and I've always upheld equality as a dignifying principle to be labelled a human being. I've never had a good, long day of solitude to myself to relax and probably think things over. And I finally have to admit that I'm scared of making a mistake I'd regret for the rest of my life because from here on until May, choices that will change and lead me on a specific path to my life will have to be made and these choices are so hard to make with my ego and unrest boggling my mind.

Looking back, I can't explain what I've just written as I never thought a second time before saying what I just typed. I need answers, and I need direction. I thought I needed truth, but I know enough to decide what's real and what's not. I think I'm over-reacting, but I'm in a situation where there are new twists everyday.

Sunday's are the best, everything feels better after church. I have to go back to someone on my mind, and I need the peace. Back to music, I've had some great tunes to listen to and they've kept me sane (at least for the three minutes or so...). So here they are:

"Ready To Fall" - Jeremy Lister
"Dear Maria, Count Me In" - All Time Low
"Everything" - A Cursive Memory
"Better Than Nothing" - Maria Mena

I'll Leave A Mark On Your Heart That Will Never Fade Away

2008-02-28T17:57:00.006+08:00

I finally have it in myself to post something about how my life's gone for the past few weeks. I'm really tired and I'm so dishevelled. But I look upon my life and I tell myself that there's still so much to live for, so much to come true for me, and so much to make right out there. I've always lived a dream where I would do right wherever I go, not to find fame but to find approval. I found it with my friends, my family, my lover, people I just met, and people I used to know. It feels good to put a smile on someone's face just by getting the little things done perfectly. And I look back on what I've just written and I realized how far I've come from the selfish person I used to be. I'm still not perfect as a person, let alone a human being. But I've felt the reward that satisfaction gives, and to encounter opportunities to make someone's day is like satisfaction waiting to be gained. Now I don't know why I just wrote what I did, but the way I see it, I know I am at least trying to be someone. And that makes a difference to me because it leads me to live better each day.

I haven't been been too busy of late, but I've always tried to find something to do to make my spare time worthwhile and to keep myself from being too moody from missing Cerys. Well, it's a hard thing to do because missing her just helps me know that my feelings (that I thought have run dry a long time ago) are so real and influential to how I feel about my day and myself. It's a feeling worth experiencing and honestly if you feel this way, you just know you're never going to get out and over it.

But anyway, I spent the last few weeks spending alot of time in church for a choir audition and several Easter practices which is coming up in April. It's going to be a huge production so if you are interested in witnessing a life-changing experience, don't hesitate to call me at my cell and I'll give you the details. I guarantee you won't be disappointed and I can assure you that you will be more than satisfied. Haha!

I have a new item at the top of my wishlist! Now that hasn't happened in awhile, but you guys know me. I never have nothing on my wishlist and since we're amidst the climax of the worldwide football fever, here's what I've been craving for:

Now the Nike Vapor SL is just an expression of stylishness, but a very very obvious one at that. However being the all round footballer, I guess I'd pick the Adidas Power Swerve because it makes hitting that ball so much sweeter. I can't wait to try them out! Damn, why can't I ever be endorsed by either of those two?

The welcoming weekend is a day away, but for me it starts tomorrow. I can't wait for Saturday, as I'll be away with the crazy cousins and the cool aunts to PD. Imagine this, the sun, me and my tunes. I've imagined it before, and it's finally coming true. Haha! Pictures will be posted up as soon as I get back. Zane, if you're reading this I'm expecting you to bring that camera of yours and make me look hot. Okay, I guess that's it. I have new tunes to update you guys about, they're fresh new and sizzling hot! And here they are:

"The Beauty Of Grace" - Krystal Meyers

"Stand Up" - Melee

"Oxygen" - Colbie Caillat

"All Alone" - Chris Richardson

"Ashes And Wine" - A Fine Frenzy

"I Can't Win" - Usher

"This Time" - Vanessa Carlton

"What's In It For Me" - Amy Diamond

Love Over The Oceans, Flying In The Wind's Eye To Get To You

2008-02-21T14:49:00.004+08:00

As humans, we are and have the most complex system compared to everything else created in the universe. You might find it funny that I'm starting a post this way, but think about it. What's inside our minds and our souls are so much different from anything else around us. It's the way you get to feel and it's the way you get to dream of the endless possibilities in life, and sometimes you only need just one of those possibilities to realize that your dreams and your future can go hand-in-hand. I have felt this way since falling in love, and it's this feeling that sets us apart not only as people, but as people who care and understand. It's not that I'm being cynical or anything, but true love sets you apart from people who've never felt it. And that is why people tend to have extreme opinions and take extreme actions when it comes to such topics. Being in love gives you the feeling of being on top of the world, and yet, the lack of it may bring you so low that you can't even see yourself deserving a place in the world.

I used to take on the characteristics of the latter, where everything else used to be about me, myself, and I. I didn't care if I did what I want even if it came at the expense of hurting or offending someone. Through that, I felt that the several mistakes that I've made may have caused others to hate me and thinking of people this way does alot to make your self-esteem very unstable. I could be nice one day, and turn into a jerk the next. It means alot to me not to be hated by people, but the attitude and ego I had inside made it hard for me to change. But that was until I fell in love, and it might sound cliched or whatever, but it has changed me alot. Through love, you tend to look at yourself with someone by your side. You find that whatever you do, you want to do something that has worth and meaning to the person you love. And when you love, you never look back. It's not that you cannot, but you just don't. When you're in love, you have a chance to show what you're worth. And looking back on past memories stop you from expressing yourself in the best and most unique way you can. People say love sweeps you off your feet, and when you are off your feet, the opportunity to look back just never comes. Only those that are unsure of their feelings tend to look back, and when they do, it stops them from giving their all in the relationship. Because a relationship is so much more than physical companionship, the things you put into it can determine if it will last or not. And when you know that you've done or are doing your best in terms of the support, respect, trust, and encouragement you put into a relationship, you can bet your ass that it will last no matter what. This assurance gives you a reason to live for all days, until the day the two becomes one. Another thing that comes along with love is the feeling of complete satisfaction. This satisfaction results from the things that you've done right in life, and when you know that you complete your lover or that you have what it takes to brighten up your lover's life, that satisfaction comes with a full range of emotions that include confidence, motivation, peace, determination, meaning, gratefulness, and ever so much more. Off course, knowing that you have it is one thing but it is the daily act or proving it at every opportunity possible that allows a relationship to be secured by firm mutuality. Being able to feel this way may be considered a gift, but it takes ability and emotional strength & endurance to overcome obstacles. The beauty of a relationship is that one never goes it alone, that's why partners are always there for each other and the effort put into it makes the relationship so much more meaningful and stronger in all other ways.

I would not have written this if I did not truly feel this way about Cerys. Cerys, you make my world go round and I truly mean it when I say I'm in this with you to reach the promise of our happy ending. Believe in us, and it will surely be a dream turned into reality. I love you always.

Dancing To The Rhythm Of Love

2008-02-18T20:44:00.004+08:00

Funny thing today is, the first of which has happened to me. Never have I gone a day without smiling, because I always do. Never have I not looked forward to the next hour, the next day, or the next week. But today, I could not turn my frown upside down. Nothing anybody said or did was good enough to make me believe that today would be a good day while, by normal standards, nothing went wrong. And today, I looked no further than going home to be alone. The solitude serves me well enough to keep my emotions away from the eyes of those who would not understand. Yesterday night was bad, sleep came and went like a game of hide-and-seek that when playtime was over, the sun was already shining. My pillows were tear-stained and I looked like hell. Had anyone seen me this morning, they would probably be emotionally scarred. I noticed the unusually dim sun today, but it was the morning sun nonetheless, so it really made the morning beautiful to wake up to. Sadly, I felt getting up was so hard to do. I wished the day was over before it already began. I said my morning prayers today on the way to school, something I've been trying to stick with because I know that if I start my day right with God He'd certainly end it the same way for me. And I felt that I could have enjoyed today had I not fallen in love like I have. But if you ask me, I would rather be in love like this because to know that someone has your heart and who loves you for you, nothing said or done to you could be enough to dent your hopes. And this other side allowed me to live through the day without anymore weight than what is already in me. At the dinner table where I sat before my parents to watch them have their meal, my dad looked at me and said, "funny thing to be in love, right?" It was the nicest thing anyone could've ever said to me at that moment, and it came from my dad. I smiled and said, "well, yeah." If anyone could look at you like that without seeing the soul behind your eyes and tell you that you're in love, it definitely proves how true and pure the emotion is. The only little things that brought that little bit of sunshine to my mood were the thoughts that I had of her in my head. It came by looking at the empty front passenger seat of the car, and it came by reminiscing of the hand that held my left while I was driving. It is safe to say that those were the things that made my day, and everything else seemed to fall into place throughout. I am beginning to understand the part of missing someone you truly love. I've never before felt something like this, and I'm glad I do as some people will kill to know what missing a part of your heart feels like. It is a humbling, yet encouraging emotion. It builds you up and drives you on to that fateful day of reconciliation, all the while filling you up with a hope and an anticipation that drives the imagination crazy. I know the emotional part is something I will have to get over, but the heart never stops missing and that is the one part that I will never have enough to overcome. Right now, love is beyond me. It never was, but now it is because I chose to let it all go without holding back into the arms of an angel. It holds you up so high so you can see the beautiful world beneath, but it also disturbs you at the way it twists and pokes at your emotions like a toy. All in all, I am happy to finally understand and appreciate the beauty of a heart of love. There was always going to be one person who would find this special part in my heart, and it is without doubt that it will only ever belong to her. Oh, and I have just compiled a playlist I dubbed "The Valentine's Playlist" for obvious reasons. It's a little late given Valentine's was last week, but the tunes are crazy beautiful this time. If only they had been released or leaked last Wednesday, she'd melt from the songs. I know I would, some of the words and tunes just remind me so much of her. I love Cerys, and nothing can take that away.

Like Being In Love For The First Time, This Time Being Sure Of It

2008-02-17T15:57:00.008+08:00

It was always in my mind to come back here on this particular day to post this in dedication of my lover, Cerys Teo. As the ones who are close to me know, she will be leaving tonight and we might not see each other again for six years. She is going back to begin her degree in Nursing and come September, I would also be leaving and we could be half the world apart. However, the promise made to look for each other after our studies further commemorates the commitment of our love to each other. We are extremely sure of it and because life has put us in this situation, there is but only one thing to do and it is to surrender the relationship to God. He knows our desires and He honours those who love Him. We certainly do and we will wait it out to prove that what we have is certainly real and is beyond what words can describe. The situation is as hard as it can get for the both of us, and though we are young we are certainly not incapable. Commitment to me, is the one God-given will that enables humans to live out life with a drive and with meaning. Our relationship comes with more fulfillment than others know about because of the dedication and time we have to build our trust and love for each other. Sure it is harder than any physical test, but the beauty of perseverance is that what does not break you only makes you stronger. Love works in a way that is similar and when time eventually brings us back together again, it is rest assured beyond reason that the relationship becomes so pure and meaningful. And being a devout believer of love, I anticipate that day will certainly come true as the sun will rise tomorrow morning. And that day will see Cerys and I together again.

What do you know about love is people will ask? And you pause to think with a slight fear that what you know about it is misconcepted or basically wrong. I have a few interpretations of true love because of the emotions I harbor inside but as I think about them, I realize that they all complement each other and then the meaning becomes too much for words to describe. But love is when you leave yourself behind to lose yourself in your lover's eyes. Love takes your mind off worldly materials only to set your mind on trying to have her heart forever. Love doesn't care about what she wears or how she looks, but just as long as her hand feels right in yours. Love stirs your heart and moves you to tears that wash over the loneliness that was once there. Love allows you to dream of a future and a happy ending. Love waits, love cares, and love stands true. And finally, love prepares your heart with great anticipation and unending joy in spending the rest of your life with your soulmate. Love stands true as long as you walk by the principles that have made you what your other half has loved you for. Yes, the fact that people change is a sad truth but the joy and meaning of love never changes if the heart is set right.

The next part of this post is the fear and pain that accompanies the departure of a lover. This pain, the pain of letting go is harder to get over because a part of your heart and soul will always remain with that person. Based on my current experience, I can never take the sight of her back to me. I just lose it whenever she disappears from my view. I have always been in control of certain emotions, but this is just so different. Knowing that she's gone and not being able to do anything about it hurts just as much. Loving and leaving will never go together because of the way both pull at opposite ends of the heart. The sad reality of life is that people will never stay in one place, and that deters many from falling in love but true love has the ability to overcome such blatant denial. People think that the separation not only breaks hearts, but it drains the love that is in them. My take is that two lovers with the same mutual emotional bond, love, will always find their way back to each other because their love is the only beacon in their dark loneliness. Love for another person makes one see and feel with more sensitivity. The one other emotion that comes with love is trust. The commitment lovers make despite the distance allows a relationship to be so much more rewarding because the trust developed during that period of separation stands like an anvil against the hammer. Physical separation becomes a permanent fixture in a relationship if one or the other gives up on love. It is never due to physical circumstances, but emotional and selfish ones. To love, physical separation is only temporary and it is never harmful to a relationship. Physical separation is just a barrier to expressing love in a physical way. Love is expressed in so many other ways that help in making a committed relationship last. To me, Cerys will always be a personal commitment and nothing in the physical realm can stop me from expressing love the way that helps her to remember that she is the one for me.

The last part of this post deals with the aspect of missing someone you love, and because of the memories I've made with Cerys while she was here, the huge weight of missing her will always be in my heart. Missing someone is not a bad thing, but it sure turns your day around. Missing someone used to not be a part of love, but because of Cerys, I've found that missing someone so close to your heart actually helps you to believe that you are actually in love with that person and that you know your emotions are real. The sleepless nights and the failing appetite helps me to know that whatever I do, I will never get enough of her. Enough is when everything I've been striving for with Cerys falls into place and I share forever with her. The disturbance caused by missing a person is something I will never be able to explain, but I just know that love causes a part of you to always have your lover in mind. The feelings of missing that person will continue to build up throughout the years and I trust God with all my heart that the lifetime I will have with Cerys will be the only way to relieve myself of those emotions.

To conclude with the post, I have found a new meaning to my life. My chapter of love through life will be written based on only one person and though the haters do not believe in this lasting commitment, I am determined to prove them wrong and outdo myself in writing the greatest love story ever known to anyone. The physical separation will be a stepping stone in my journey to a rewarding and complete love life with Cerys. I believe that I have fallen for the right person to do this with and though the long road ahead will be bumpy, my love for Cerys will stand through thick and thin and I believe with all that I am living for that it will materialise through marriage and kids in the future as well as spending eternity together. Life is brighter because I take comfort in believing in the love I have for Cerys and the love she has for me. The happy ending we are aiming for is not taking a twist because of her leaving, but it is a period of helping our trust and love to mature under the watchful eyes of the Heavenly Father. Time passes by when you're not aware of it. And I know that as long as I go on to live my life in the best way that I can with Cerys in the deepest chambers of my heart, I will eventually see the day when I'll stand face-to-face with the angel who kept my heart and fall deeper into the love that we made possible in the first place.

You Love Is The Kind Of Love That Makes Nothing Else Seem Good Enough

2008-02-03T23:24:00.001+08:00

I'm basically here to stress my disappointment of not going to be able to enjoy the traditional family-visiting of CNY which begins next week and the reason is because I have school. It sucks, I know but that's not the worst part. Considering the fact that I will leave for uni later this year, this could be my last CNY with my family and friends residing in Malaysia. I'm sad to miss out on the red packets, the firecrackers, and the weight-gaining junk food that are readily prepared at every visiting stop. Haha! I don't seem too sad right? Well, maybe it's because I have something, or someone else that's keeping my mind alight. And that's why this post will be empty of its usual sentiment. But anyway, I won't blame myself for not wanting to spend more time on this when I have better things to do. But new updates from my obsessive induglence in the music scene, hits that are gonna make it big for sure are:

1) "Feels Like Tonight" - Daughtry
2) "Put Your Arms Around Me" - Natasha Bedingfield
3) "Only Fooling Myself" - Kate Voegele
4) "Always Be" - Jimmy Eat World
5) "Your Love Is A Lie" - Simple Plan
6) "Remember To Remember" - Ryan Cabrera

Don't Lose Your Faith, Don't Run Away Because It's Only Life

2008-01-29T20:09:00.001+08:00

The few days after my last post were the most depressing I've ever felt in a long time, and I did not ever imagine finding myself so low noting my usually impeccable confidence. Yes, it had taken a huge blow and I thought I had to build it up from scratch again. But recently, I caught sight of a silver lining among the dark shadows of my lonely journey for purpose. Things have starting looking better ever since and I'm trying not to look back. Sure I've said moving on was always the thing to do, but it was always easier said than done, particularly considering the twisted unpredictability of life.

The SAT turned out pretty easy, unexpectedly. The guys who have been hanging out with me know that I didn't prepare well enough because I was preoccupied with college and other things. But like I said, I was pretty confident about the paper and I know there is a difference between true confidence and ignorant confidence. I'm not too sure which one it is but yeah, I hope my results show when they come out. Okay, the SAT can be a tricky matter. There is a difference between a true and a correct answer to many of the English questions and because of that, I was able to answer many of the questions but without the 100% assurance that I picked the right one. No use talking now, I followed my intuition on that day itself and that has rarely led me astray. I do hope it doesn't this time.

And yes, I have suddenly found meaning and a vision to what my life should turn out to be. I wanna be happily married to the most loving soulmate with a couple of kids, living in one of the cleanest and most stable country in the world. Ideally, it would be Canada and with someone I already know (you know who you are). But then again, sacrifices always have to be made for love. Noble as it may sound, I prefer to refer it as devotion. 6 years at the most is how long I'm prepared to wait, but as long as I have her, I'm prepared to wait for life because she's worth it. You know when love is worth the wait when you see more than life through her eyes, when you feel a sense of security and emotional longing for her in your heart, when you know that you're prepared to go through hell and back for her, and when you just know that life with her is better than with anybody else. I'd be lying to say that I completely feel everything like that, but I do believe that I'm well on my way to love again because the feelings that I've just described are coming true just as I'm typing the words down here. I know it's hard to believe that I will wait, but it's a promise I made and a promise that I'm willing to die for to keep.

Besides that, I guess I'm enjoying a certain peace that I've never felt before. I love wasting my spare time away to music and just driving about for my usual errands. Speaking of music, the ones that just came out are kinda lively and up-tempo and are doing very well in aiding my recovery. So here they are, enjoy!

1. "Six Feet Under The Stars" - All Time Low
2. "Cheer Me Up" - Natasha Bedingfield
3. "In Love With A Girl" - Gavin DeGraw
4. "It's Only Life" - Kate Voegele

Six Feet Under The Stars

2008-01-23T21:37:00.000+08:00

I've been facing a torrid week and my mood's just not getting better. In fact, it's been like a fickle thermometer where it turns up really good at one point and soars all the way down at most of the other points. Everytime I try to have fun just to take my mind of things, I just get myself into trouble. I can't even get through one day without being miserable at one point within the day. I've even questioned my value as a human being for all the bad things that's been happening to me. I've got feedback assuring that I am indeed a decent person, but then again, I also realized that life picks on the innocent. I cannot feel happiness and pride in my own achievements without having to face rejection and reality. Now reality has always been the part where I snap back into the unhappy world. Reality doesn't give me a chance to prove my worth to the people I care about. Reality just allows me to strive for whatever I can get and the rest is all left to my subconscious imagination. Sad as it is and somehow, I only feel that it applies to me. To feel joy and love only to have reality shatter them like a sledgehammer on glass is what reality is like to me. Reality robs me of the things I worked so hard and long to get. Even the love I have in me is empty because reality knock the living soul out of it. I had one shot at love, the one shot that I lived so hard and so long to see come true and the one shot that would break me or change me. Being optimistic and positive as ever, I never thought reality had the trump card up its sleeve. In the end not only did I break my pride, but I lost my heart to doubt and uncertainty. I've had these games with reality all my life and I've always come out tops, but who would've thought that reality would beat me at the time when my confidence and belief is so fragile. The one phrase that I've been using more and more on myself these days depicts how I feel inside and it would be, "like being poked by a million toothpicks when all I need is a knife." This phrase never leaves my mind and it epitomises the pain that confusion brings to me. My confidence has never hit so low in recent years and despite the start I've made to this new year, I cannot see things getting any better. The other foe would be Uncertainty, who has worked as hard as it can to turn me against my own beliefs. And even if it did not succeed, it went on to turn my dearest loved ones against what they held for me. It made them think that admitting impossible was the only way out of suffering and it comforted them by twisting my most precious words to them. Uncertainty undertook my love for her only to render it worthless and impossible in her eyes. That left me having to defend my own virtues and my own true feelings to the person I really cared for the most. Reality, coupled with uncertainty, caused me much more damaged than I could've ever imagined. Reality-wise, nothing out there will be capable of taking me out of my slump. This does not help the fact that I have an important SAT examination on Saturday and though I need a score of 1900 for obvious reasons, I think just getting through it would be a realistic target. I am on the verge of breaking down, I just need one more strike to what's left of my confidence and then I'll crack for sure. 2008 will always be remembered as the year reality had it's first victory over me, the one crucial victory that will be a cornerstone on my lonely road of doubt and solitude. And because I thought I could be everything on my own, I took on reality on my own only to find that the mistake made is not only consequential but hugely depriving. I'm still alive, but I'm losing all my drive. Everthing seems to be a guiltless, twisted lie. The one bright note before I go would be to say that I will not be underestimated, but I will rise up to claim what is rightfully mine. Though it will take me years, I will not stop taking till I am fully satisfied and restored. Life's a bitch, and I'm still trying to deal with it.

The Best Thing About Tonight's That We're Not Fighting

2008-01-19T23:39:00.000+08:00

Though it is only January, everything around me has been happening so only to seem that my days are being numbered here in Malaysia before I go off to further my education. Specific but good examples would be relatives talking about how much I'll be missed, friends saying how things would be so different when I'm gone, and how my parents are preparing me to live independently on my own (not that I can't). But yeah, I myself have not started thinking about the day when I finally leave Malaysia. I can't really say why I have not looked ahead to this day, but the only way I can explain myself would be to say that I'm living my life a day at a time. This is how I prefer to do it, but when the factors that you revolve your life around start to squeeze you in like that, you can't help but wonder if things will ever be the same again? Will people still be around when I come back? Will I still be recognized for who I was a few years ago?

Today, we celebrated the birthdays of two of my closest friends, MingZen and Cerys. Party was held at Aman Suria and needless to say, everyone had a smashing afternoon/evening! For me it wasn't about the games or getting wet in the pool but to catch the ones I left behind when I attended college. These guys never change, they have the same outlook in life and they just love the fun and happiness that comes with it. Off course, I'm not complaining but in fact, having met with them today lifted my mood for what was a raging hot afternoon. Looking back at this, I will definitely be missing the source of joy that these people bring when brought together.

And just this late evening at grandma's, we had one of the best dinners ever. The mood was set when everyone decided to play group games after the sumptuous meal and because we are such a happy bunch, the laughing almost too much to bear. I myself cannot recall the last time I had this much fun and laughter. Well yes I do laugh, but when it's crazy laughing it becomes a whole new scenario and a whole new experience shared by the family itself. This brought me to the question of not whether I will miss them, but how much I am going to. This evening has done enough to conclude a happy weekend for me and ask if I have anything to give up going away to study and I will tell you more than you can ever imagine. I do not have much else to say but there are so many thoughts in my head I cannot put into words. I cannot let these people I care about down, but I'm also not ready to give them up in my pursuit for success. I need confirmation, I need assurance, and I need encourage. But somehow, these are the few things that people cannot offer me because they cannot do anything about it. Anyway, I've been listening to some good music this week and the ones that appeal to me the most are "Officially Yours" by Craig David, "Magic" by Colbie Caillat, and "Kiss & Make Up" by Kaya Danielle. And this is my cue to go, solong!

You Traded Thoughts Of Me For This New Life That Comes Cheap

2008-01-14T21:04:00.000+08:00

Recently, I've been having the feeling of returning to post a reflection on a movie of quintessential controversy and appeal. When I first heard that Gabriel was the name of the movie, I knew in an instant that the public will not be exposed to it unless they do their own research and homework on it. I certainly did mine and I did not hesitate to rush from the comfortable position I had on my working table to go and purchase the tickets for it. As expected, the queue at Cineleisure was unusually long given the time of day but the hall where Gabriel was filming was remarkable empty. We got good seats to what was, in my opinion, the best movie I've ever seen in a while. The synopsis of the movie depicts Gabriel as the last of the ArcAngels, who is sent from the Light down to earth to fight off the Fallen (Dark Angels), lead by Sammael. The other ArcAngels that were sent basically were not what Gabriel was made off, and therefore, succumbed to the effects of the corrupt world. While they did not give in to becoming Dark Angels themselves, they just became slaves to the corrupt practices of sin. And while they accused the Light of not heeding to such intolerable practices, they also blamed the Light for turning a blind eye to their suffering. Why the movie is not popular among the Malaysian crowd is pretty obvious, containing principals of the Christian viewpoint. However, the movie is not wrong to depict life as it is and how evil is getting to weak souls. Had Gabriel not done what he was sent to do, Evil would have taken billions of soul into eternal torment. Not meaning to sound preachy or whatever, the movie does however conflicts specific Protestant views. I will not specify what they are but if you need to see a movie that brings much more than just to the eye, Gabriel is definitely the one.

Updates on my life are gonna get boring as ever unless I post on something like what I just did on top. I am still trying to contemplate the fact of having to attend another semester at CIMP, while working my ass off to make sure my university application sparkles the eyes of anyone who dares examine it. Life cannot get as much pressurising as it already it, but it is not as if I can't handle it. I just prefer not to go through it, if you know what I'm saying. Okay before I bore you all to death with this solemn post, I'd like to add a few updates from the world of Music. The latest album of emo band Secondhand Serenade has been leaked into the internet and if you want future hits like "Fall For You" and "Like A Knife", you know where to get them from. Other than that, everyone's been rather quiet on their front. I'm just wondering what's going on behind the scenes as they prepare to surprise the world. Till that happens, I'm out!

We Will Fall Together, Never Looking Back At What We've Done

2008-01-06T12:16:00.000+08:00

Okay, I was meant to come back earlier. Like you know, to post my last post before 2008, reflecting back on 2007 and all that. And I knew I had to make it a little extra special because every time a year comes to a close before a new year begins, living in those last few moments reflecting on one's self can be a very special moment indeed. So yeah, pardon me as I did not have the time and to be honest, the inspiration to come back earlier and reflect on my 2007.

I gave it a lot of thought coming back here and then I realized I had much to say, much to give thanks for, and much to look forward to. In any one year of my life, I can recall (even if not detailed or complete) events on ordinary days that changed the way I looked at life and myself. Those who are able to read my character know that these events have taken place for the good and those that once shattered me provided me a base on which I now hold myself on. 2007 was the year in which these events took on a whole new scale and have got me looking forward to 2008. 2007 was the year I proved myself worthy of my existence in where I was put. I rarely doubted the significance of my being, but I was made to believe that 2007 became my stepping-stone to becoming a force. My principles and my faith were tested, my capabilities stretched as I made 2007 the year I became somebody. I don't need to glorify myself by stating in particular the little events that shaped my character, but I can defiantly say that I proved myself time and time again over the course of the year. 2007 was the year, I carefully analysed, that I proved alot of people wrong about myself. I reckon that this was what God had planned for me this year, and it's left a powerful impact in my life and my thoughts, not to mention in the lives around me. The year of 2007 will forever be remembered by myself as the year I overcame doubt and disdain to become a reckoning force. And as often as I can remember, every end of the year will be the time I rededicate my life back to God, my God. I have always subconsciously had it in my mind that whatever I have achieved was due to God's saving grace. I never deserved what I got, I never deserved the credit I was given for something I've done. The only reason how I've managed to pull through with a smile on my face is because God has always been with me. HE has never let me down and HE will always be my tower of strength. But alas as HE alone is perfect and infallible, I became the letdown time and time again because of my humane characteristics. I have never always walked closely with God, and hence the trouble and fear I put myself into. I made myself undeserving of even human compassion because of the mistakes I've made and continue to make, but because I have a God who cares, coming back to HIM will always be my saving grace. So as 2008 unfolds, posting this post has found me a resolution to stick to. And it is to walk righteously in this life as best as I can to lift up the name of the righteous God. By human standards, being perfect is impossible. What more God's? But by walking in HIS light and by seeking after the heart of God, the walk becomes easier and much more fulfilling. I only regret that it has taken me this long to realize that all this while, living an unproductive life as just like living a lie. I'm glad I'm out of the mess and I'm looking for fulfillment in 2008, where there's no other way to find it than with God. 2008 already looks like a good year for me, I'm getting ready to live out loud. I desire to be an influence to this corrupt world, I desire to make myself a symbol of pride to anyone who cares enough for me. It's not going to be easy, but I have my support and I have my strength in God. As a note of encouragement, live my year of '07 and forget what everyone has to say about you. You only have one life to live for, so why not make it count instead of wasting away? Fulfillment comes with doing something fruitful and just. The road to life becomes a joy if you know what you're living for. If you live to please men, you might as well look forward to continual uncertainty and dread. If you live to please God, you're on the road to your recovery and a life that promises much more than you can imagine. This is the best advice I can offer as a friend and as someone who cares, although I may not always seem like I do because of my tone and my appearance. This basically goes down to my ego and that is another thing I'm trying to change in myself. However, I also go through similar struggles and temptations, but I'm willing to do something about it, and so should you. Have a blessed 2008, God be with us!

p/s: yes this is me, Justin and I posted this!

I have a list of tunes that are certain future hits or maybe not cos MTV and radio sometimes do not have such good preferences, but these songs are so rocking my playlist! So here it goes :

"When I'm With You" - Faber Drive
"I Lost You" - Katharine McPhee
"Stay Close, Don't Go" - Secondhand Serenade
"Goodnight, Goodnight" - Maroon 5
"Sleep Walkin' " - Mary J. Blige
"Skyway Avenue" - We The Kings
"Overcome" - Jordin Sparks
"Books And Letters" - The Morning Light
"Spell" - Marie Digby
"Hands On Me" - Vanessa Carlton

Consider The Best When We Felt The Worst

2007-12-25T22:27:00.000+08:00

Alrightt, like I promised I would be back after Christmas here I am, well, not exactly after Christmas but ON CHRISTMAS DAY!!! You guys should be thankful I came back because I actually have a list of things to do, like packing for camp tomorrow and changing out of my day-worn clothes.

Okay, so to what happened on Christmas. Well, it wasn't that eventful actually. First up in the morning was the annoyingly long sermon at church which I still couldn't believe I pulled through without shutting my eye one bit! Yes, a spectacular achievement considering the fact that I had only five hours of sleep the night before. Well, the effects of that are starting to hit on me now, but.... I ..... must.... go.... on!!! Then right after that was dim sum with grandma at Imbi Palace, and that was good! Haha! We took grandma home after lunch and then I came home to rest, and you thought that I was supposed to have slept right? Wrong! I played with my dart board for about like two hours in the evening and right up till now, I still cannot resist getting outta my chair to hit a few shots. Haha! I swear I'm gonna get good at it. In the evening, we left for 1U to get some stuff for camp and had dinner and now I'm home blogging. Okay, you know what? It sounds even to me that Christmas was kinda boring with what I went through today, but the fun actually happened last night on Christmas Eve where the family gathered together for dinner, a round of performances by the homegrown musicians, and the grand finale at midnight, THE TRADITIONAL GIFT DISTRIBUTION (well, it's what I call it when the family gathers around the tree to receive their gifts). So with everyone ready with their huge plastic bags and anxiousness etched across their faces, the gifts were called out and distributed accordingly at 11:30pm. I took us exactly half an hour to get that done and at midnight, everyone got up to wish each other a Merry Christmas and blah, blah, blah...! That aside, we got back to our respective presents and started unwrapping. The gifts this year were decent, not to say the least, but I could never have expected any more than what I got. Off course, I left my parents gift till the end and when it was theirs to be unwrapped, my hands shook and my heart started beating faster and faster as I unwrapped this:

Yes, if you guessed it right it is the ipod Touch. Honestly, I knew about it before it was even wrapped because I went with dad to shop for it. But still, the anxiety and stress I had to endure days after we bought it before Christmas was overwhelming enough to for me to forget that the surprise element existed with all gifts and that it would've definitely made this one a little extra special. Okay that aside, I would've uploaded some more pictures from Christmas only for the fact that I do not have the pictures with me at the moment because they're being sorted out and uploaded by the few members of the family who had extra-superior technology in their photo-taking devices. So when I get them, they'll be up. Promise. There are no new songs atm, so you will also have to wait for that. Later!

It's What You Didn't Say That Told Me I'd Be Hurt Again

2007-12-22T16:09:00.000+08:00

Hey, I am back. The few days before X'mas and I knew the time I had now would be the perfect excuse to blog now and not in the next few days. Oh, but I think I have to cos I'd be wanting to post what I got for X'mas.

Till that happens, my week had been very fulfilling in a sense and not in another sense. Maybe it's cos I've not been sleeping well so I spend my day sleeping and my nights trying to sleep. See, I don't know what this is but I think it's safe to say that She's been on my mind. Sometimes, you just cannot help it if her smile keeps you awake and that looks takes you away. I'm not going to specify any further because I find it pointless at this point of time. Besides this, I tried out True Fitness and caught up with a good friend of mine so I can safely conclude of my week's worth. True Fitness is something I would indulge myself into if I had the time and money, two things in life that I find too hard to come by at the moment so I just take the free trial and use it to the best of my abilities. The thing with that fitness center is it is amazingly spacious so no one gets in your "space" and the other thing is that the swimming pool in the 4th floor caters to your relaxing needs.

Oh, and we had Glad Tidings' Indescribable production performance yesterday at 8:30 and it turned out great. The main hall was filled right up to the entrance and the balcony and the other hall had to be opened for live telecast to accomodate the others who could not fit into the main hall. In the end, we got a good many people saved and so I think as part of the cast I should be proud to say that we did our job well. That's basically how my week's been and I sure hope Christmas comes sooner than how I feel it is on the calender. And future hits this week I found are "Go On Girl" by Ne-Yo, "Seven Days of Lonely" by I Nine, "No Woman No Cry" by Sean Kingston, "You Find A Way" by Graham Colton, and "Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield. Till next time, I'm out~

Time Takes A Breath Everytime I Try To Put Us Up On Display

2007-12-10T21:59:00.000+08:00

UPDATE! Yes, I'm finally back to do so after some time away. I must say it's been a pretty eventful holiday because I expected it to be a quiet one. I know my mistake, I've lived long enough to know that holidays should never and can never be quiet. Haha!

Okay anyway, first up is the need to tell you guys that you really have to freaking go and watch The Golden Compass because it's awesome. The movie sure lived up to the hype that was built before it was released so take my word and catch it.

Secondly, Ming Zen is back from Down Under in case no one has bothered to update you. He's one of the guys from our inner circle back in our homeschool days and it's great catching up with him again. A couple of friends are also back from NZ and I can't wait to catch up with them cos it's certainly been a good year since I last saw them.

The third update would be the game I played against the veteran UKRC team yesterday evening. They were a good team, personally I thought they were better than us because of the experience and our team lacked understanding even though we were considerably younger than they were. Tactically, they tried to use their experience to play a defensive line that would render me offside from the through passes. However (here comes the bragging part), they did not know that I have some experience and awareness that my youth accounts for. And yes, I played as a striker for the first time in my life for a competitive match. I grabbed two goals, glad to say they were well-taken but I could've had four. The first miss was a one-on-one situation with the goalie when I tried to be clever and lob him. But I didn't get enough height on the ball, so he grabbed it. Second miss was from an open goal when I took a long ball down with a great first touch, deceiving the onrushing goalie but I was anxious to get that goal so I volleyed it against the crossbar from 15 yards and the ball bounced straight into the goalie. Fluke was what I call it on the keeper's part, but I was glad at my performance after a month off from football.

Next on the list are my finals results that I just received this evening. Totally disappointing is what I think it is cos I feel like I fully deserve more than an 80% on the subject I spent almost everyday of six months on. I was damn annoyed to see the results when I opened the letter that I almost swore out loud for Petaling Jaya to hear but I kept my head when I saw that I at least improved my grade for Economics, which I got 87%. Thursday will be the day I leave for Singapore to see if I can apply to NUS and do abit of Christmas shopping. It's gonna be a long week ahead!

Last update will be the fact that I've been wishing for an mp3 player for since my ipod died like six months ago. Instead, someone gave me this:

When I first saw it, I thought "what the hell am I gonna do with this?" I said that cos my phone is still in good working condition and I wanted something with a bigger memory. The fact of the matter is that I'm using it now to see what it's like and honestly, the phone part is crap while the mp3 ain't so bad after all. But with the memory I have, I can only fit in the best of my tunes on it which I am totally unsatisfied with. Whatever la, hopefully I can find something hot in Singapore.

I think I've done a good job with this post, I'll probably be back next week so stay tuned. Haha! Future hits this week, or I should say last, are "Scream" by Timbaland feat. Keri Hilson & Nicole Scherzinger and "Livin' A Lie" by Dream feat. Rihanna. Later guys!~

The Prelude To A Sunset That We Will Reminisce And Cherish

2007-12-03T20:18:00.000+08:00

This post is dedicated to the CIMP class of Jan`07 specially to those who are off to pursue undergraduate education.

I have known how it felt as people left to different paths at a crossroad, but the pain was never really detrimental as the ones that replace those who left became a good part of my memory and my life. But now, it feels like we're all heading to a crossroad again and this time, goodbye seems harder to say than ever. It is unfair to accuse you guys of being around me and becoming my friends, but it feels like a bitch seeing us go our separate ways and leaving behind only what we had and did in our time at school and outside it. There is no doubting that you guys are good people, hence the impact your coming departure has on my emotions. The fact that we had our disagreements and swearing sessions only meant we were like siblings in a huge family. I now know why I am able to get up at 7:30 every morning and come to school with a smile on my face and anticipation to live through every boring class in CIMP. I now know why the corridor on the third floor is like a place to relax and the discussion room in the library a place to do the dumbest things. It is because you guys made all this worthwhile and memorable that the next semester without you will make everything out of place for the rest of us who are staying behind. We won't wanna say that we are left behind, we're just staying back a little longer to continue where you guys left us off. And as the sun sets on our remaining moments together, I only hope that a new dawn will come when we will all meet again.

The end of the second semester of CIMP also represents the graduation of students from Sunway with a diploma, and this sets them on their way to pursue further education that will suit their respective careers. Unfortunately, this came as "the" time for some of my friends and they will most probably not be around come the start of another semester at Sunway. So a special gathering was held to remember these people and as an opportunity to wish them all the best to what looks like a bright future ahead. The place was at Luna Bar in KL and I guess the pictures will tell the story:

Everything was beautiful that night and there were some brilliant photography masterpieces, some of which are up now. And I guess it the party turned out well thanks to some excellent pre-planning by Muhammad. That's all from me, I'm currently listening to Jordin Spark's "Virginia Is For Lovers", which is very sweet. Other than that, nothing's new. Till next time, I'm out~

If You've Never Been To Heaven This Is Twice As Nice

2007-11-30T10:49:00.000+08:00

Suffering from a post-Champions League hangover has never felt this good in a while. But due to the fact that I have my license and that I live with such annoying freaks, I have so far not enjoyed my time in bed. I slept at 6am in the morning only to be waken up at 1o to drive down to town, wtf man?!! That was yesterday, but today was just as annoying. We went to watch the Kingdom at Cineleisure yesterday at 11:30 so you can imagine what time we got home. And the next day, my asshole idiot of a sibling woke me up at 9 to send him to his shithole of a school. I swear, I am most annoyed when I don't enjoy my sleep-in's. Oh by the way, I think we sorta came across a new club called, the Scarlet somewhere on the second floor. The place looks really good I have to say, but the crowd and music were just so-so.

Oh, about the movie, the Kingdom, it's a good movie if you like watching terrorist attacks and swearing in every line of the script. But I really recommend Hitman, it's an awesome movie with loads of style and quality action. That's it for movies, still loads to catch up on during the week.

Back to why I came back for this post on a Friday morning, I have my X'mas wishlist at the ready and I'm hoping to strike out at least three items when mom gets home from China tonight. Yes, she went for her holiday when I slogged it out at college and she never sent her "all the best, son" message. What a loser! But yeah, there will only be one way I will forget that. They are not big-ticket items, no way. But these are just a few on the list:

*the iphone may have it's critics but with gadgets that look like ice (I meant bling!), this cannot go wrong and how it will look with my pictures and music inside it. One word, HOT!

*it's not easy when it comes to smell, because different senses can only mean a huge variety of emanation. However, I may have just found the one that has a universal appeal in this RL fragrance.

*I've given up trying to keep up with ipods and also because of the faultiness they tend to hold within. I've also found an easier way to share music without the use of headphones, and with my playlists in this Samsung YP-K5, the only question intriguing me is whether they have it in other colours other than black?

Everyone's favorite time of the year is about to come arrive, Christmas trees are up and mistletoes are appearing everywhere. Hot, new songs are just about being released and I have the few good ones already in my Playlist. Do check out "Almost" by Tamia and "Say" by John Mayer. Later!

The Anti-Melancholy of Saying,"It's Over"

2007-11-28T13:13:00.000+08:00

I have ever only lived for one thing, and that is to enjoy my life the best way I can. Only pressure, books, and health have stopped me from doing so. But now, I've seen a new dawn and my soul is refreshed. I've pulled through six months of intense pressure and I'm ready to live again. My holiday story started when I survived the 27th of November, sitting through four straight hours of examination with undwindling focus and determination with only a half-hour break in between. I could feel my heart racing with every passing question, rattling my brain for the answers that matched each one. And at the end of it all, the life I had in me felt like it was sapped clean. My eyes blurred and my head pounded. Grace be to God I managed every question that came my way with only a few hiccups along the way. Today, I am revitalized and I'm going to let loose, something I haven't done in several months.

And when I started this post, I knew I had to get back where I left off. I openly declared England's certainty of qualification for Euro 2008 and I made the mistake of forgetting that the ball was round. It really annoyed me when I saw the morning headlines cos it was then I knew that my previous post was to be questioned. I gave up on England that morning cos I realized English football was all about talk and no show. I'm not going to dwell on this too much, but that was the straw that broke the camel's back. England slipped down the world rankings and their internal structure criticised, but I do not think that fully justified their shameful performance. Whatever, Spain is my new pick and I'm pretty sure (but not fully convinced) that I won't go wrong with them.

Oh, and here are some well over-dued photos from I-don't-even-know-when. Great music released these days are "Rainy Day" by Janel Parrish and a future Christmas hit, "Mistletoe" by my current favorite artist, Colbie Caillat. I don't expect to spend my time here so often now with the mood I'm in, so I'll be back way later. Ciao!

When Fate Was Decided By A Ball Instead Of A Coin-Flip

2007-11-18T15:43:00.000+08:00

I actually cannot believe myself for taking ten minutes out of my exam preparations to blog about what could've been a historic moment that could've affected nations all around the world. Brace yourself, a story of fate against the odds of immeasurable inevitability is about to be told and this is not one for the faint-hearted =) Football is the center of it all, and because the ball is round, epics of such historic value can be passed down from generation to generation.

This Euro 2008 qualifying campaign was one that England should have lead, and lead should they have done untroubled against the nations pitted against them, say Andorra, Macedonia, Israel, and Estonia. These are nations England could've played against with their B-team and won for God's sake! But I have to admit watching their games that England went into this campaign poorly-prepared, having too much confidence, and wondering if many of their "big" players were actually concerned about the affairs of their country or more engrossed on keeping their places in their respective clubs. They made hard work of themselves in the easy matches and slipped up when it really mattered against the likes of Croatia and Russia. Everything had even concluded to the point when England's fate of actually qualifying for Euro 2008 had been taken out of their hands and they had to stoop so low as to hope for Israel to pull off a major upset by repelling the resurgent and confident Russia. Off course, England were blasted, humiliated, and scorned by their group rivals through the media and I, too, was surprised that England did swallow that bitter pill of shame and not react to what was said about them. Instead, the whole world watched as Israel took on Russia in a decider to determine if Euro 2008 was to have one of it's greatest footballing nations confined to watching the tournament in their own country without even participating! If judgment day was to come anytime sooner, it was upon England yesterday. Israel needed just a point, something an inferior nation could best hope for before the match against such a transformed side of mentally-capable winners in Russia. Russia was determined to win, Guus Hiddink (coach) even said that it was impossible not to beat Israel and that England do not deserve a place in the tournament. Personally and in the point of England as a footballing nation, I would be over-whelmed with emotions as to how my fate must be determined by someone else even when the odds are strongly against me. And like I said, the world watched while I went to bed as I had church to go to the next day.

The next morning in the news, while I was still in the daze having just awaken from my sleep, I heard, "England's chances of qualifying for Euro 2008 have received A MASSIVE BOOST as Israel pulled off a shock win over Russia." I thought I was dreaming. I thought I was in a place where all illogical hopes and wishes were, but then I knew I facing reality, as I still felt the need to use the bathroom. Haha! Thinking about it, I thought that it must've been the Pope who had prayed so hard for England that even God went back to the nation He once inhabited to perform one of the greatest miracles on a spectacle that was witnessed worldwide. Off course, few people would've thought like me, but others would have been celebrating as if they've been cleared off a lifetime judgment while the rest would still be bitterly cursing their luck. Need I draw an analogy to this event? Needless to predict, Israel would be forgotten within two days while Russia will be confined to an abyss of the unknown till say... the next qualifying campaign? The one thing on everybody's mouths will be England and how they managed to escape the nightmare they feared the most by the skin of their teeth. Oh and might I add, they still need at least a draw against Croatia to officially go through to qualify but I really think that it is out of the question because after being handed a lifeline like this, I'd feel pretty worried about an English backlash if I were a Croatian supporter. My prediction for the England v Croatia match is 4-0, so we'll see how that goes. Plus, I do believe Israel deserves a few places up the next world rankings and Russia taken off the official standings for blowing away the chance to write history of their own.

Okay, since I'm here I'm gonna say that I probably won't be blogging in a fews weeks cos of my finals and I'm gonna make sure I use every opportunity I get to ace them. Then it's a good, long break for me and I can't wait to tick off my wishlist! Woohoo! Oh, the few songs that are currently appealing to my senses are Shayne Ward's latest, "Breathless" and Fergie's "Pick it Up". Besides Gwen Stefani, I swear Fergie has the classiest hits and unlike the freak, Mika, Shayne Ward knows how to play with the tune of his voice in a way that we all like. Haha! Till then, I'm out!~

Give Me Reason But Don't Give Me Choice

2007-11-05T17:57:00.000+08:00

So here I am after almost two weeks of complete negligence with my blog. I have so much to say, but I don't know how to start. Two weeks have been hell and back, literally, and at the end of it, I've become sick. Haha! School have been good and bad of late, assignments have been piling, work has to be handed up, and tests grades are dropping cos of these. I swear even though I hate ISU's, they give you breaks when you need it the most. But anyway, had a test today. I thought I did alright, and then tomorrow's the last presentation to be presented by Ed, Crys, and I. So there are still things to be finalised tonight...

Well, that's how school's been like for the past few weeks. Prom was last Thursday and it went pretty alright. Personally, it was my first ever Prom night so my expectations might not be as high as the others who went. But anyway, besides the simple food and the screwed sound system, everything else went fine. I personally enjoyed the laser light show and the dance at the end. Oh, and besides everything else, I was nominated Prom King and who would've guessed right? Haha! I personally was shocked cos I didn't know I meant that much to the people, haha! I won a plastic, $2 crown, which I sorta broke and lost by the time the night was over. Hees! Well, it just shows the friends I've made from my time at CIMP, and I guess I had alot to be responsible for on my part =) Come to think of it, I don't make such a bad King after all. My leading prom campaigners and I decided to go someplace else for the after-party because we had enough craziness for one night and we didn't need anymore, so we went for a drink at the Apartment in the Curve to recap the entire night. So here are some of the picts. More picts when I get them, promise.

*Note : I think I deserved Best Dressed too!

My weekend was pretty messed up cos I fell sick and I had to stay at home most of the time to finish up work, which if there was anything else I hated doing more, it was that. Freaking homework on a weekend! But anyway, church on Sunday was pretty entertaining. We had potential queens lined up to see who suited King Xerxes best! (played by actors off course, duh!) The "queen" of my group won, so we won a goodie bag which I ransacked before the others did cos inside that goodie bag were food stuff so sinful I couldn't believe they brought them to church, haha! But yeah, after that was lunch with the guys at Strawberry Fields, which is kinda like Pink at college. So the meal wasn't too bad and so the rest of the day was spent at home reviewing for today's calculus test. Then had dinner with dad's old friend at a Nyonya restaurant, had a good time with the kid they brought cos he's just so damn funny, and then felt not-too-well again so I went home only to continue reading For One More Day by Mitch Albom. Personally, it's a book worth reading and you learn so much about love and value from those few pages. That's about it for now. My current favorites and future hits this time are "Angel" by Leona Lewis and "Same Mistake" by James Blunt. Ciao~

Things We'll Lose In The Fire

2007-10-22T18:34:00.000+08:00

Today was the first day of college after a long week off, a good long week off. However, most people weren't in the mood for "hey what's up!'s" and the gloomy weather did not freaking help either! It rained on my way to college and I was like, "alright, let's hope the mood at school will be brighter than this". I wasn't disappointed. I saw sweet, nice, happy, scary, basically FAMILIAR faces and I said, "it's good to be back". Okay, anyway we've been burdened with assignments and homework and it's not even relenting because our finals are in like a month away and it's damn daunting just thinking about it!

However, the holidays the great. I was out late on some nights with the guys, at the movies, and at a dinner I swear I will not forget. I had an unlimited supply of barbecue lamb, fish, chicken, and beef. My gosh, I was surprised I could still walk after the meal! Haha! Off course, I spent the days finishing up some work, hanging with some friends looking for prom dresses, and sleeping in. I don't know why I can't say much about my holidays here but I went through so much!

Guess that's it, I've got work to do. But there's an awesome song for you guys to listen to. It's called "Tongue Tied" by Faber Drive and it's great! Oh! And there's this other one too, to High School Musical fans (excluding me, but I find this one sweet). This one's by Nikki Gil called "Gotta Go My Own Way". Want them? Ask and I'll send it to you. Later!

You Came Up Like Something On A Movie Scene

2007-10-11T20:08:00.000+08:00

It's finally the end of the week and the start of a week-long school-free holiday. However, it's not a work-free holiday so I probably have to take some days off to do thoser. But whatever, it's still last day of school and boy did I feel like partying! Everyone's heading to Maison tonight and I won't be able to go cos I don't have a fake ID (if you know what I'm implying)! Yeah and Nick, thanks for being a ******* by laughing at me. Well, a bad side to being under-aged in college is being under-aged to get into clubs. It's okay, one year left... But maybe I don't have to wait that long. Crys, you said you were gonna help me with my ID and I'm gonna hold you to it! Haha!

Okay besides that, the rest of the week before today wasn't too bad. Though it was as hectic as CIMP has always been, I managed to pull through this one without as much difficulty as I had with the ones before. Maybe the idea of a week-long break from school helped abit =) But yeah we had the CIMP Talent Night on Wednesday night, which was unexpectedly alright??? (if that's the right word). Well, it wasn't exactly Fanta-bulous (as Ms. Najjar would say it) but it was really entertaining. Well, it started off at typical Malaysian timing (which means much later than it was initially intended) so it ended quite late. But anyway, it was really great. The singers and actors were all awesome, but my favorite was probably the first of the Mandarin club's songs. Vocal portrayal and synchronization were awesome I was practically stoned hearing it, and you all know how hard it is to please my ears =) After that we celebrated Aida's birthday in the foyer and we had a wonderful Chocolate Banana cake which I messed up by trying to help cut it up for everybody. But whatever la okay, I at least tried!

Okay back to the world, Heroes have unveiled yet another twist to its already AWESOME storyline in Season 2. Sylar is not dead as he was thought to be! Instead, he's being treated somewhere in the world and it won't be long before he starts slicing off the top of people's heads again and I honestly can't wait to see that though it freaking grosses me out everytime I see it. Besides that, Peter's lost his memory, Claire falls in love, the Hetian is well, Mr. Muggles is alright... So please just watch the movie from the start, you'll love it! Season 2 of Friday Night Lights is out also and I think it's pretty awesome too. But do download the first season and catch it all from the start. Personally, I don't see the logic in jumping into a series when you've not caught it from the start. You ruin the fun and the whole idea of a series, bitches!

Now to girls and according to Esquire magazine's October issue, Charlize Theron is officially the sexiest woman alive and that I cannot argue. In fact, this is the one thing I've read in the papers so far that I will not argue except to point out that Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale have been looking pretty amazing too.

Right, I guess I'm probably done posting about Nothing that I feel satisfied enough to show that my blog has been updated! October doesn't look a bad month, let's hope it stays that way as long as I'm alive. Songs have been my best friend these days and the one that particularly soothes my never-relaxed nerves is "Built To Last" by Melee. Download it and I'm pretty damn sure you'll feel the same way. Till next time, see y'all!

I'll Be There With You Forever, Even If Saving You Sends Me To Heaven

2007-09-30T21:56:00.000+08:00

Weekends seem to be the only few days I get to have my precious rest, but somehow they seem to be less fulfilling than when I am at school. Have I grown an attachment to the people I care about in school? I think I have but sometimes being alone is better done at school than at home, but somehow I am never alone. There are you guys who make me so damn sick till I wanna smash your face with my fist but then again, there are you others who seem to make my day everyday I see you. It's a huge contrast of people from my viewpoint but what's life without a balance of both the good and bad? Even if my weekends are plain and boring, the weekdays seem to put the color in my world.

So last weekend was basically spent sleeping in on the Saturday and getting up for church on a Sunday. We celebrated Daniel and Summer's birthdays, of whom are my cousins by the way, and we had good food and even better dessert. Cuppacakes were the bomb and the Chocolate Fudge cake, or whatever it's called, was just the indulgence I've been missing out on. I forgot pictures again, dammit!

Anyway, after that it was Wigan v Liverpool and I was so freaking nervous for eighty minutes till Benayoun scored and I knew it was all over. Marseille is up next and all of Europe, prepare to shudder at the Red tide coming your way!

Sunday was boring as hell... I mean REALLY boring! except during church. Somehow, I like church cos it makes my Sunday as beautiful as when the Sabbath was first created. Figure out what I meant there but yeah, church was good and then I spent the day finishing up some homework and cutting out the tickets for our CIMP prom. I swear it's gonna be good this semester not only cos it's off-campus, but also cos I'm indirectly part of it. Haha!

School these days are getting pretty darn boring and filled with work as the semester approaches it turning point where ISU's and concluding subject chapters are given out and taught. The concepts of calculus have just gone up three notches for me and now I don't know jack about what I'm doing and guess what, the test's next week! Talks of uni applications have also just begun and I know I have to start corresponding soon if I wanna get into a good one in Canada. Gosh, so much to do and so little time!

That's it so far from my side of life, I'll be back soon if I have the time. Oh, oh! And for those of you who live in a deep and dark hole, the second season of Heroes have just begun and it's started out the way I expected it to so start watching okay? Haha! I've also been downloading alot of songs too, and the ones out this month are hot! Like the one I'm listening to right now, "These Hard Times" which is a bonus track from Matchbox Twenty's latest album, "Exile On Mainstream". Later guys!

It's Like A Million Toothpicks When All I Need Is A Knife

2007-09-17T21:47:00.000+08:00

Hey, I know I've not been blogging much these few days and it's probably cos of the shitty mood I've been in with all the work and the pressure I'm going through. Do you know how hard it is to maintain your grades? To perform on the real stage on a weekly basis? To set an example for others to follow? To keep a straight face even when you know you're going to crack inside? Sometimes, I wonder how I've managed to pull through this far and this is due to the fear of not taking that chance, the fear of being despised, and the fear of slipping up. Rarely has it ever been due to the little things in life that wake you up with a smile and urge you to get things right. Is it my way of thinking or is it the way I'm living my life?

The trip to Kedah over the weekend for the MCFA cup was a disaster in my eyes cos the weather was horrible, the food was lousy, the motel was bad, and my P. Pulse is ruined by the Kedah field. Heck, the only positives I could take out of the trip was that the motel had Astro and right below us was a mamak stall which made food easy to get to. But besides that, we lost all our games and I became the hate figure of the KL squad when I was shown a straight red for swearing at the ref. Some say it's home advantage, most say it's my mistake, but I say look the fuck at my pulled jersey before you look at my face. That's how the second game went about, and we lost 6-0 playing with 10 men for 75 minutes against Kedah. Ask if I feel remorse? Off course I do, I sold my team out! But what's to stop my passion for the game? The swear word?! Even top players play with emotions, but I was stupid to let it out on a sensitive aborigine in the referee.

I missed my first class today as I couldn't get up from the bus-lag I got from the long trip home, but I didn't miss too much. Howevere, I'm waay behind on work that urgently needs to be completed. But I missed my blog so that's why I'm here. I have to prepare for my test tomorrow, God be with me!

Currently listening to "Holiday" - Boys Like Girls ~Out

Fairytale Made Better

2007-08-28T12:57:00.000+08:00

Monday was a good day for many reasons besides the intolerable weather that I had to endure half the day at the Safety Driving Center, where I went for my practical test. Okay, first of all I had to be there at 7:30 which I was despite the difficulty with getting up. Then the weather went from bad to worst as it started to get really hot and I started to sweat profusely. I swear I wasn't in a good mood then and my failing ipod didn't help either. The JPJ fella in my car on the road test wasn't in his best moods either and don't ask why, but everything turned out pretty nicely for me in the end. I met an old friend, made a new one, passed my test, and watched a couple of movies later that night.

Okay about the movies, I watched Secret and Rattatouille at 1U and I think it's safe to say I enjoyed both of them. Haha! Anyway, Secret featured Jay Chou but despite his poor acting skills the movie made me realize what pride it would have to be able to play a piano like him. Seriously, if you think it's a bad show think again! I thought it was the last show I would wanna catch but because Rogue Assassin and Perfect Stranger were 18+ SG, I couldn't bloody get in and so I didn't have much of a choice but to watch the Secret. The first part of it sucked, no! The whole damn plot sucked and the actors sucked! Only things worth watching is one of the girls who liked Jay and the piano skills demonstrated by him and the other guy. Rattatouille, on the other hand, was okay. It was funny at some parts, lame in the others. My favorite character has to be the food critic, Ego. Why? It's 'cause he's abit like me, but only the criticizing part of him =)

I guess that's it for my damn boring holidays, but I did get a whole bunch of hot new songs. Currently listening to "No U Hang Up" by Shayne Ward, and it's really good... "We got that you hang up, no you hang up kinda love..."

I Try To Keep Things Simple 'Cause I Hate My Cravings For You

2007-08-25T14:13:00.000+08:00

Omg! I already know what I want for Christmas but I'm only ever gonna get these if I strike the lottery or if I am fortunate enough to find cash in the public toilet or whatever! But here are the things that top my current most-wanted list for 2007!

If only money grew on trees or fell from the sky, *sigh*....

I'm Losing Myself Just To Find A Place In Your Mind

2007-08-23T22:01:00.000+08:00

What is this that people get to have what they don't deserve? Or too blind to go into something that doesn't promise them a sense of a long-term commitment? Or too stubborn to see that they can have it better if only they just sacrifice what will not mean anything to them if they just open their eyes? Why I am talking about this is because over the past few days I've seen and experienced people and what or who they choose to call their own. Many of them do not deserve what they get and can you blame me if I'm jealous? I don't actually think so because from my personal point of view, I deserve way more than what these faggots actually have. And I'm not being steroetypic or whatever towards these people, it's just that I have way more going for me and my life is built on morals that these people might consider as just another pillow under their asses. Bottom line is, they don't deserve what they get because judging from their characters, they won't cherish them. So why am I bringing this up? It's because I want what they get and I totally don't understand why it's not coming to me.

Anyway, the start of my holiday begins after tomorrow and I'm so looking forward to that break away from the hell in school. Personally, these few days at Sunway University College has been annoying me to my wits' ends! And everything, from the people I learned to trust and I thought I knew to the waiters at the cafeteria, has left me with this mood I have to take along with me on my holidays. Unless someone does something about it, and you people with whom I talk most to should know what I'm talking about. Whatever right, I'll just come back to update this solemn post later.

I Feel Like A Hero And You Are My Heroine

2007-08-17T23:32:00.000+08:00

Good day! Haha! Weird way to start, but it's a start. Anyway, my week's been hectic as hell! Hey, I just realised those words so go together! Haha! I've been so random these few days and I don't know why. However, the reason for my hectic week is cos I've had tests to deal with in school, training sessions with the state football team, and probably a more hectic weekend ahead.

Okay so the tests are done and my progress report so far is out. I didn't do too badly I guess, I even got a smiley face from one of the administrators which I thought was so gay but it actually looks funny on my seriously-compiled report card. Oh, and training sessions are such a drag. Man, it's like hell after hell in school! Three hours in the evening sun doing fitness drills! Bitch, even the top players can't stand Malaysian heat! Well, that rendered me not being able to study hard enough for the Calculus test the next day, which I think I've messed up pretty badly. Anyway, I hope for a peaceful weekend oh, but I can't. Chelsea visits Liverpool on Sunday in a must-win game. I'm already worked up for that but I'll wait for Sunday to start freaking!

Tomorrow will be the first time in a few long weeks I'm actually going to catch a movie! Gosh, I know I've been leading a sad life and that used to be my favorite pasttime. Well anyway, Rush Hour 3 or Rattatouille? I wanna see that Asian guy being slapped but I also wanna see that talking French rat! Haha! I don't know, whatever...

Currently listening to "Turn Around" by Samantha Jade. It's a sweet song, and Samantha's hot!

Truth Talks To Me, I Laugh Because It's So Unbelievable

2007-08-12T21:37:00.000+08:00

I'm back from what I must say a very unsatisfying trip to Penang. Though it was great hanging out with my cousins and having a late night out at Gurney Drive, I certainly didn't like the fact that I had to come back earlier than the rest because of some other commitment and that I didn't get to watch Rush Hour 3. Whatever okay, I swear I'm taking the car out everyday I can once I get my elusive driver's license. But anyway, we had a lovely poolside party and a good dinner. I didn't enjoy the pork though cos I don't like pork, haha! Pictures will be posted up as soon as I get them, so wait!

On the brighter note of this weekend, I found out that I wasn't selected for national service. Well, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be selected anyway but you'll never know right? So I had my friends check for me and I think it's safe to conclude that as the system is selecting the fittest in the nation, the hottest ones are left behind. I'm being very stereotypic but hey, it's my theory and who knows right? Haha! A few of my friends were not so lucky even though they're kinda hot, but they'll enjoy it hopefully. Good luck guys!

Okay, and I'm so worked up over my econs poster because I know it's gonna suck big time compared to the rest of the class. But I don't blame myself cos there's a certain amount of creativity in guys and though I'm not to say I'm proud of it, I certainly can't help it. I hope it all goes well and ends fast though, so I can look forward to a new assignment with hopefully a more creative partner, preferably a girl ;) Okay then, that about concludes my weekend. Be back in abit, ciao~

My July In August

2007-08-04T11:02:00.000+08:00

Hey, so I've not been blogging in a long long time and that is mainly due to the amount of work and stress I've been having to deal with. And to add it to, they had to be on my favorite month of July stretching all the way into August, but that was when everything started to feel lighter and things got better in terms of work and fun outside school. A few things happened in the month of August, or was it in July? I don't remember, but what I do know is that I've finished two huge tests this week and I can look forward to a good weekend. Haha! At the end of July, which was last week, MTV's twin VJ's Choi & May were at my college along with their parents for God-knows-what-reason. They were pretty cool and really really friendly, with their big shades and their Gucci's and LV's.

Oh yeah, at the end of July my aunt Bernie got married in an intimate setting where few were invited but everything turned out great. Why? Cos I was emcee'ing, I made her a speech, and gawd was I looking hot on that day! Haha! Pardon the eccentricities, and for the sake of my aunt I will only post her pictures so as to not steal whatever limelight's left. haha! But she was looking pretty mesmerising on that night too anyway, and the guy in one of the pictures, well, is obviously her husband. haha! And her kindergarten kids led the walk on the red carpet, it was very special.

There was also the occasion when our JerMayn left for Australia in the family's quest to emigrate there. I'm sure we're all missing her already but we bade her our best goodbyes by spending the last few hours in the airport with her. I also got what is to me the first real picture I've had with JerMayn and Joce and thank God it's a good one.

So that is what I meant by saying that my July was spent in August, July wasn't a very good month but August sure is looking better. That's it for now, till next time!

The Hurdle of Limitation Coupled With A Sad Ending

2007-07-13T13:32:00.000+08:00

I'm currently at the lowest point of my educational career and my personal being as a human. Go on reading if you care enough to find out what I'm going through but might I forewarn that if you're gonna read this for the sake of your meaningless time, I'd rather you don't because it will only screw your day up.

What is it like to finally understand that you are limited in your God-blessed abilities? To know that you have to give up your dreams because you're not good enough for it? Or to rethink your life because what you are isn't meant for what you want to be? Now, a loser or a bum may take it as another chapter in their seemingly hopeless lives. But what if you're always at the top and your personal confidence and character has been built on the many wonderful achievements over the course of your life? I now understand how that feels and because I have no one to talk to, this is where the words will reflect on me. It's like having something everyone envies only to have it stolen or destroyed. It's not like losing just something, it's like losing part of yourself.

This all started in college where I was ready to take on another challenging semester with classes in chemistry and calculus. As I have proclaimed ever so often, I've always wanted to become a doctor and I need those subjects in high school to build my path to that ambition. Anyway, after a week at college I've realised that chemistry is something I do not comprehend because of my shallow background and something I do not have the heart for. I imagined the end of the semester where I would fail the subject or not get a good grade at it and ruin my chances of studying in a reknown university in Canada. I let that fear take over me because I'm not ready to see myself fail. But now that I've dropped it and replaced it with Economics, I've seen myself fail at not giving my dreams a chance and so my future major will have to be in business. This wasn't something I would accept so easily because I never thought I would see it coming but now, after knowing that my future will never lie in the field of medical science, I have to set my heart to being someone in the world of business. I am still not ready to accept this as I have always loved science but to correct myself right now, I cannot say I love science because of how failing at trying to learn chemistry has done to my dreams of becoming a doctor. I have always loved life science, the science of living things and their functions, and to give that up means throwing away what I dreamt I could do for the world. I know life is not at it's end but what I've given so much in has and now I have to deal with it.

I cannot explain how sorry I am to the people who've held expectations in me and to know that I've let them down is another blow to my remaining integrity. Sorry is not the right word but not being good enough are. I have nothing to be proud of anymore because everything I've worked so hard for and everything I've achieved are here only to be limited by the fear of doubling the effort to continue with the notoriously nutty science subject, Chemistry. What's more? I only have myself to blame while the self-belief I've always held in myself is washed clean off my spirit.

Let The Good Times Roll In Case God Doesn't Show

2007-06-30T16:48:00.000+08:00

So I'm back from Singapore and I have to say, it's a great place but the main purpose of my trip was never met so I kinda found it meaningless. Well apart from the things I bought and the food I ate, there wasn't really much in it anyway. Don't get me wrong, I had fun but my trip wasn't complete. Anyway, here are some shots we took from a Nikon camera :

These were taken on the rooftop of the VivoCity mall, it's a pretty sweet place for young couples to hang out after a stroll in the mall.

We ate at this Brokeback-looking western restaurant where the waitresses are supposedly called Hooters, but because of the sizing of the Asian waitresses, we called them "Hootlers"! Get it? I thought it was funny, haha!

This is what we did after dinner at Clarke Quay, the supposed "night life" of Singapore. It was fun though, and the lights everywhere were gorgeous

This is what became of us during the boring MRT ride downtown.

Oh, I fed the stingrays at the Underwater World too. It was pretty cool actually, I liked it.

Well, that was the summary of my trip. It was special but it was a good vacation away from it all, as they say. Anyway, reason to celebrate this weekend would be my 17th birthday which would be on Monday. The folks are coming over, so I gotta go now. Happy reading!

The Risk That Might Break You Is The One That Would Save

2007-06-24T15:40:00.001+08:00

This weekend turned out to be a good one cos first of all, I got my rest and secondly, most of the things went my way. I missed McD's on Friday night cos I had the church futsal tournament early the next day. As we had expected and desperately hoped for, both our teams won the Champions and 1st-Runners up spots which meant we played in the finals together. To be honest, it was the most relaxing and mainly entertaining final I have ever played in a tournament. Surprisingly, we scored two goals in 8 minutes in the final when we could only manage 2 goals in the few games before that. Pretty ironic? I thought so myself too. I thought I was gonna post a very different story concerning this based on how things went before the final but I have to say, God was with us. Haha! Yeah, so Team A won and Team B were Runners-Up. GT rocks cos I played, haha! After that was the party I attended with Jeffrey to celebrate his love's birthday and farewell. Yeahp XiQian, we're gonna miss you but I know I especially will. Haha! Party was fun, food was awesome to be brief. Okayy...

Today on Sunday is a totally boring day because I am stuck at home, but I wanted it anyway. I missed Cheer cos I don't see the point in going and besides, high school cheerleading has never been my thing. I heard on Friday from my aunt though, that my late cousin Jon has never missed Cheer in his entire life. Uh... Correction. He missed Cheer when he was sick last year but I get what she implied and I missed it too cos I had to be with him. Whatever, dunno who I'm rooting for this year but I'm pretty sure a surprise is on the cards like what happened last year.

My long-awaited Singapore trip is finally due on Tuesday but I'm gonna catch up with some mates on Monday before I go. I had missed them quite abit but I'm hoping that it's gonna be fun tomorrow. That's all for this weekend, I'm too lazy to say anything else anyway. Later dudes!

No Fairytale Here, I Know That. Do You?

2007-06-15T22:20:00.000+08:00

Alright, so I'm tagged right now and apparently, I'm supposed to write a letter to my 12-year-old self. Okay, I don't know how this works but this guy went like, "dude, you got tagged" and now I have to write a letter to myself. Haha! This really sounds hilarious, but I'm gonna try doing it. Let's see how it goes...

To Justin of 2002,

Hey, you will not know me but I am the YOU from 2007 and I am just here to say "Hey!". Wow, you're certainly gonna grow up looking like me man and guess what, the chicks are gonna dig you big time! Haha! Okay, this is lame. Umm... Well, how are things in 2002? They were okay while I was there then and I hope things are okay with you now. You're gonna face alot of new things and meet alot of new people soon, but you have to be careful of who you talk to and what you get yourself into. Man, it's no smooth ride from where I was and I hope you don't make the same mistakes I did. Think twice before you do anything, and keep your friends close.

Always remember that you are who you are and there's no point in trying to change that. People don't like you for who you are, just tell them to screw off and find their own lives. But heck, you and me, we're one of a kind and we can do anything we believe in doing. Trust me, I've been there and I've done that. These words certainly warrant your current life, but don't take it as a warning or precaution, just take it as advice from someone who cares and understands. I don't understand life as it is now, but I'll certainly face whatever you're gonna go through. Believe me, you're gonna be great out there but you have to stay focused to God's intentions for you. Well, I'll leave you with this. Trust those who show that they care and care for those who trust in you. You will love people and things that are only temporary but choose wisely in those that you put your heart too. Take care...

cheers,

Juss

Now looking at it, it isn't so bad. My mind must be stirring up a storm cos I know I had more to write but I didn't want to make them public, it's just that I know what I need to do to have a good life, to have a great life in fact! But it's hard and alone is not where I want to be. Everyone has a spot, I know I do and I care alot. So I guess my life's laid out and my goals are set, and it's me who has to strive to reach them. I have two huge forces that will push me on when all else fails. It's the energy in the core of my spirit and the hand of God. I don't need nothing else, so this is where I stand. This is where I start.

This post is for the lost and the delirious, we'll make it together. Haha! Cheers guys!

Not Lost, Just Undiscovered

2007-06-10T21:41:00.000+08:00

Third week into the holiday and I'm still enjoying myself quite abit but it's getting slightly boring now that schools are being reopened so places are gonna be empty. That could be a good thing, but sometimes the fun is where the crowd is.

June the 8th was when we went to Kajang to play paintball. Alright, the game's pretty cool but painful and costly however you look at it. I got shot at the side and on my collarbone, Kristen got a headshot (awesome!!!), I got Lucas on his neck, while the others only got minor bruises. Seriously, I scare myself sometimes cos my aim with a paintball gun is somewhat near perfect. I told someone that I'd be a sharp-shooting assassin if I weren't into science and trying to be a doctor. Haha! The guys came over to dinner after that and my mom made pasta and lasagna, but damn the Foong's for not eating alot. You wasted my mom's food you goons!!!

June 9th was the Saturday when we celebrated Yean Shan's first birthday. She's my cousin by the way and she says the craziest things you'll ever hear. Well, she doesn't say words but she tries to say them by making weird baby sounds. Haha! But I'm not really into her cos she can't say my name right but she calls Sean with absolute perfection in tone and in pronunciation. She's more into Sean anyway, the poor girl with poor taste. Instead, I'm gonna make sure I become favorite to her little sister Yean Lin. Now I remembered posting something when I said that this baby girl is the prettiest I've ever seen when she was delievered. Well, for the world to see I have photos of this little angel and I'm sure the words I've used to describe her won't disappoint at all. In fact, I think you'll find them an understatement when you get a load of the photos. So, here they are. Yean Lin is only few weeks old btw :

There's the pretty little one

Here she is with the bored stare

Thought he would ruin the photo, pfft...!

You know, she's got the cutest sneeze and hiccough I've ever heard and she giggles (yeah,she does!) when she hears her mom. And when she does, oh! I can never say anything but sit and watch. I have this thing for little ones, esp little girls. Don't call me a paedo, I just love babies =)

Sunday on June the 10th is the worst Sunday I've ever gone through. I got up on the wrong side of bed and I had a torrid time trying to stay awake in church. That did my mood for the day and that sorta screwed up everyone else's. What can I say? I am purely charismatic, and I'm looking for a good week. Haha!

Wow, it was fun posting up my weekend this way. I'll do it again soon, later dudes!

You Can Feel It In The Way

2007-06-03T14:46:00.000+08:00

I'm back! Seems like I always take a long break after blogging don't I? Haha! Honestly, blogging can be the most boring thing but it could also be one of the most inspirational thing to do in your spare time. However, now that I'm off for the next month or so I think the blog would be more decorated (with words, that is) than usual.

Anyway, movies that I intend to catch. I've been trying to catch up on movies lately by the way, and I'm loving the time I have to do so. It's just a shame I can't drive yet, but no worries, I can get along fine anyway.

Alright, I went to college yesterday to find out if I needed to take Physics and Calculus next semester cos it's gonna be tough stuff right? And I so don't wanna do that, but I want to study health or medicine in the future so I needed to know if those subjects were necessary requirements or not. It turned out that Calculus is necessary and although Physics is not, it is highly recommended by the universities in Canada. Bottom line is, I've made up my mind to take both those messed up subjects to widen my range of choices in Uni so I could stay another six months in college. OMFG, I know.... On a brighter note, I saw my finals results on the administrator's computer that I am supposed to receive on Monday, which is tomorrow. And guess what, I got my A's that I told everyone who believed me that I would. So now, the fun will begin until July when the term starts. I'm so gonna switch my brain off from school till next semester man. Whatever...

Oh yeah, I got my hair cut. It's short and I bought a new pair of shades from Guess. It's hott, really! You guys know what my taste's like right? Haha! And the first season of Heroes has just ended, I really can't wait for #2. I started watching Lost, however, and I should say it's not that bad. The girl who's usually in yellow or blue, Shannon, is hot. She looks like Jessica Alba, but her hair's different and she's got her own good looks and charm anyway. Okay, before I bore you guys I better go. Till next time, later dudes. Hugs all 'round for the babes! =)

Naive Pretense

2007-05-23T21:59:00.000+08:00

I am officially off school for five weeks after today's final exam paper. God knows I've waited for this a long time, and I finally have my well-deserved break. Unfortunately, I have only till next week where I can stay sane cos next week's when my results are coming back and I'll start worrying myself to sleep again.

Whatever, I'm just going to enjoy the life I deserve to have for this five weeks. Oh, but I can't. The Champions League Final is tonight and thinking about it makes me wanna sleep through the night and catch the news tomorrow morning. But being a die-hard Liverpool fan, I have to stay up till 3 am praying and hoping that we will write history in the biggest club competition in the world of sports. We are gonna win, we are gonna do what ManU and Chelsea failed to do. (No offense guys)

Gosh it's so good being able to blog again and now I have so much time to catch my tv shows. Seriously you guys, Heroes is the best damn show ever created. It's so thought-provoking and intriguing, but you get the idea... Well, for those of you who do watch it. Some spoilers: "SYLAR killed his mother by accident and then he went on to kill Ted Sprague, so now he's got some nuclear radiation power. " Aren't I mean? Sorry guys, I just had to do that. Well, now that I'm on a roll I'm gonna give out some spoilers for OneTreeHill : " The district basketball association of Tree Hill, or whatever it is has suspected Nathan and Lucas of point-shaving in an official match. Also, Abby has leaked to Lucas the truth about Keith's death. In other words, who shot him. " (By the way, we're in our fourth season of OTH if y'all didn't know)

I'm not trying to make you guys stop reading my blog, haha! I'm just being annoying, I know but that's how I am in real life. Deal with it! That's it for now, see you all when I see you all.

Makes Me Wonder

2007-05-19T10:26:00.000+08:00

Here are some photos taken on the last day of class :

From left: Merhdad, Hiap Lai, Me, & Queenie

From left: Hiap Lai, Me, Queenie, Muhammad, & Merhdad

From left: Merhdad, Me, Mr. Welch, Queenie, Muhammad, Dinesh

As you can all see, we all look really happy and relaxed don't we? But inside everyone of us, we're cracking up due to the pressure of the final exams. Wish us luck, till later guys.-

You Can Stand Under My Umbrella

2007-05-01T00:42:00.000+08:00

Lemme start my post by saying that I am going through a weird week I had school today, didn't do much, there's gonna be two days of holiday for me, and then back to school on Thursday. Well, I thought why not have the entire week off? But then my questions were answered by my teachers who kept reminding us that the final exams are drawing nearer and that we should use whatever time we have left in class to catch up and to learn. But that is not the point, the point is that the week of having two public holidays between schooling days will kinda knock us off the momentum to concentrate in school. I know others who feel the same way I do and I had a classmate who said something like having two Fridays in a week, which obviously felt something like it. Haha! But then again, who am I to further to my argument against the authorities? I just wished they wouldn't make our schedules and timeline so messed up.

Anyway, Jeremy and I were treated after school yesterday by Aunty Aggie to catch the Premiere of Spiderman 3 with my other family members. I only appreciated the value of these tickets when we got to KLCC only to find that people were already queueing to take their seats while many others were hoping to buy extra or unwanted tickets. Apparently, these tickets were priced at RM 3o because a part of it are to go to charity and that Malaysia would be the first country to screen the movie. I'd say it was a real generous treat, wouldn't you? But yeah, the intentions were good and the movie was awesome so I guess it pretty much worthed the money. The only mishap to our otherwise splendid outing, however, was the Z-610 my aunt lost in the cinema. That pretty much spoilt her mood but she added that she didn't like the movie. Many of you would contest that fact and I would too, but she had a long day and a little misfortune so let's give her a break. By the way, spiderman isn't my favorite character in the movie. That subjective position had to go to Venom, that creepy alien character. But I have too add as well that Spiderman looks better in black, at least in my opinion. Red seems too bright, but that spidey costume in black really gives Spiderman a mysterious aura to his character.

Yeah well, that's what I thought about the movie and that was practically how my day went. I'm gonna bed now cos I'm tired, and I've been tired ever since I realised my exams are less than a month away. God help me, I need a break! Till I find time to make my way back here, ciao peeps!

Stop The Whole World Now

2007-04-25T18:09:00.000+08:00

So finally, here are the pictures taken with my Canadian-Malaysian relatives at a party session. Sorry I took such a long time to post them, but I'm sure they're worth the wait.

From right : Zane, Sean, Bernie, Julie, Maria, Tony, and Dad

Clockwise from top : Bernie, Sean, Tony, Maria, Lucy, `Juss

From left : Aggie, Mom, Bernie, Joey, Julie

.

From left : Jamie, Joey, Summer, `Juss

As you can see, we had a great time partying and we had so much fun and laughter. But the most hilarious moment that night was when how Julie tried to translate the English songs for Lucy to understand cos, FYI, Lucy doesn't understand English! Haha!

Besides that, school was cool today. English class was great! All the guys were talking about football and how ManU beat Milan this morning, so the ManU guy was taunting us and at that precise moment my teacher said, "Well, congratulations to all ManU fans!" while I responded to the taunts, saying, "Would you please shut the hell up?!". Haha! Ms. Ford, the teacher, went, "Justin, did you just tell me to shut up?!" and I went like, "Gee no Ms. Ford. I was telling that to Alan, I would never ask you to shut up!". It is a good thing she is well-humored or else I'd have been suspended from class. Haha! That pretty much summed up how my day went actually, so it wasn't bad at all.

My cousin Jamie (in the last picture) took me out for some late lunch after school at Hartamas today to do some catching up, which was very nice of her. We then strolled the mall for abit until it was about 5pm, then she dropped me back home. FYI, I'm pretty close to all my cousins so this outing actually made my day. We talked alot about school, music, boys, girls, and everything else we could think of. She's fun and I actually did have a good day with her, she even treated me to some pancakes at a shop whose name I can't recall. But it was delicious, so I'm also partly cheerful because of the satisfying meal. Haha!

Well, that's it for today. I'm gonna get back to my homework, damn that! Whatever, Liverpool is going through to the Champions League Finals in Athens TONIGHT! Later peeps!

Good Morning Revival

2007-04-22T14:42:00.000+08:00

Okay, so I did go to see Good Charlotte and it was awesome despite the fact that they were almost an hour late in starting the show. I was brought it as a crew member but then I had to stand in the crowd, and we literally had nowhere to stand. It was so crowded and smelly, it was no wonder some people were fainting. Haha! Well, I met someone really special there too and of all the places I thought of meeting with her, I had to meet her at a punk rock concert. But it was fun, wasn't it Mandy? =)

Anyway, the best part of the show for me was when Joel Madden said he loved us as Malaysians and then they played "We Believed". That is my favorite Good Charlotte single besides "Keep Your Hands Off My Girl", which they played in the concert too. Now that was fun to dance to and the other songs they played too were awesome. Lo and Estranged were brilliant too but One Buck Short was kind of a disappointment to me, or maybe I just don't like them. Well, like I said. Besides the smelly crowd and the dismal performance by One Buck Short, it was all fun and screaming for everyone. No pictures though, they're in my phone. Later!

Blooming Daylights

2007-04-20T21:23:00.000+08:00

Oh my gosh!!! I went to see my new baby cousin today and she is gorgeous! She's got the rosiest cheeks and the cutest limbs. She's also got beautifully shaped lips and they are meant for kissing I tell you! Haha! No pictures again, my apologies but she deserves to have her pictures here on this blog. Haha! I'll post some when I get pictures of her so you all can adore her as much as I do. I like babies, they're so tiny and most of them are really beautiful. Sometimes I wonder how my baby will turn out taking into account the fact that I will also marry a gorgeous lady. Haha! Dream on you'll say, I know but dreams do come true.

Besides that, I have a picture of some baby birds in a nest that was built by some bird on some tree in my house. I've been watching the birds since they were unhatched and I picked one of them up from the floor when it had fallen down from tree. I think I was learning to fly but strangely, it didn't struggle when I picked it up. It just laid still on my hand as I climbed to put it back into its nest. These things look like sparrows but I don't think they're sparrows. The mother bird looks slightly different and is slightly bigger than a sparrow. Anyway, I found the nest, the eggs, and the chicks pretty fascinating so I just had to remember it in a picture. I also had to resist the urge of putting the birds in a cage. Oh and did I mention, there were three eggs but only two hatched. I don't know what happened to the third egg and I couldn't even find it in the nest. So, poor number three. Whatever, here's the picture:

Pretty neat, huh? Well, I think so...

Anyway, about my week. It pretty much went alright, I had a presentation to do for English and I have one coming up for Math next week. Presentations are gonna kill me, I prefer to do homework actually but I'm in CIMP so both homework and presentations are pretty much required in order to graduate. *Sighs*

Oh, we also had a midweek football match against University of Victoria at college for third or fourth placing in the overall Sunway standings. We beat them 2-1 but the Victorian players were ridiculous no thanks to the referee as well. They wanted to wind me up cos I tried to get their captain sent off for a bad foul. The referee obviously knew he should've sent him off but he wanted to keep the game alive so he was lenient to that bugger. So then they tried to hit me and wind me up, and all I knew I had to do was to shut my mouth or taunt them as they were losing. Those of you who knows my character knows at once what I did and you're right, I called him a loser and told him to f*** off. But guess what he did, he went to the ref and complained about what I said. Like the ref will send me off for something he didn't see me do right? Bloody stupid, but in the end we won and nothing much happened after that. I actually anticipated a fight because sore losers are the best to wind up. Haha!

Well, that's pretty much how my week went. I wanna go for Good Charlotte, I love "Keep Your Hands Off My Girl"! I've got my pass but I have a match tomorrow so I hope meet up with my cousins in time before Good Charlotte takes the stage. Lo, Estranged, and One Buck Short are doing the intro to the concert first so that gives me some buffer time to see the start of Good Charlotte's performance.

I'll let y'all know how it goes, it will be awesome I'm sure. Anyway, till then. Later guys, and girls =)

These Little Wonders Still Remain In Our Hearts

2007-04-15T00:17:00.000+08:00

heyy everybody!!! I'm so sorry I've not been blogging and I'm so sorry for my blog cos I've been not spending enough time with it. Gosh! I think I've neglected it for about a month or so already but I won't do it again, unless I really have no time like I've not for the past month. Sorryyyyyyyyy!!!

Anyway, the last three weeks were taken up entertaining my aunt and uncle who paid us a visit from Canada. When they came back, everybody from my dad's side had planned trips and dinners and it made everybody in the family so happy again. We went out alot, which is a rarity for me as I've only lately been going out with my friends and we even did alot of stuff for each other, like cooking, shopping, and going to the movies. I even had my hair cut just to please my aunt, who can't help but make even her mildest suggestions feel like enforcing commands. Haha! But anyway, they left on Friday and we had to wait a long time at the airport as each of them came on separate flights, so obviously they had to depart on separate flights right? Anyway, we spent about 6 six hours at the airport and to kill time, I played F1 on the PS2 for free at some promoting area and gosh did I suck at it! I only managed fifth in Melbourne and seventh in Sepang. Back to my relatives, we had coffee and we breakfasted at McD's. My aunt left last but when she did, I felt this familiar feeling that the people you take your precious time off to care and to trust were leaving and that you might not ever see them again in a long time. Well, that is maybe why tears are shed at departures. But we had three weeks together, so we as a family should be proud that we made damn sure that the three weeks we had with them were the best we could give and the ones that will be cherished in the times to come. I have pictures to upload but they're not with me now so stick around and I will do that probably next week, come and see me with my new look ;)

Maybe I shedded tears at the airport cos I dreaded going back home to do my homework, but that is what I did and it is hard for me to leave my unfinished assignments aside.

So, for those of you who've been wondering how I've been and why I haven't been blogging well let me say this, I've been keeping myself busy with trying to figure out what to do next after college and how it'll affect my choice of career. I know it may sound like a stupid excuse not to blog but I've been using that time to think and observe people in their daily lives and why they do what they do. I'm an observer and definitely not one to plan my future at the last moment. I've been watching movies too, keeping myself updated and all. I've also been in touch with music that I find so hard to download these days, they're the only things I turn to when I'm stressed and when I wanna let it all out. My aunts constantly tell me to find a girlfriend but believe me, it ain't so easy to do that now. To make things worst, nerds are like really in right now so it's hard for nice guys like me to even converse leisurely with girls. Believe me, I'm right and I'm never shy to talk to anyone.

Well, school has been a big part of my life now and I've not been getting enough sleep due to the many assignments, projects and presentations lined up for me. I even lose sleep thinking about them and the worst thing is that they matter alot to my final grade. Doing well in the final examinations might not be enough if my coursework marks are low, so I keep telling myself to take things at a time. I know I'm smart and I manage time well, but I think I stress over things that I can accomplish easily. Anyway, that's how I've been. I don't mean to say that I've not been enjoying life, I'm learning to deal with life in difficult times while embracing the moments when it isn't so hard on me.

Anyway, I'm gonna bed now. I'll be in touch, have a great weekend guys. We all deserve it, I know. Ciao

Claiming My Mark

2007-03-18T18:14:00.000+08:00

I'm so glad to be back at my blog to share one of the most pleasant weekends I've ever had, I know I haven't been gone too long but then again, I've just realised that writing in here could serve as my own life's historical record and how I've managed to overcome situations and celebrate life in the setting that God has put me in.

But first, a little bit of my trademark sentimentalism. In the novel I'm currently reading and in the few others I've read as well, protagonists have sometimes wished that they could change the paths of their lives or even start all over again. In my opinion, characters who think thoughts like these are handling much more than they can bear or maybe lack the character necessary to sustain themselves in an unpredictably cruel world.

How does this relate to my life? Well, in my shoes is a protagonist living in a world that doesn't portray the meaning for fairness and equality in its exact meaning. Never have I learned that such virtues exist in this world and adding to that, the world can devour everything you've worked so hard for over your lifetime. Me, I have complained and wished like those in the novels but time and time again God has always been there to remind me that being grateful and enjoying what I can afford to have in this world is the best way to embrace life even when things are not going my way. Looking back as the weekend, I've once again realised that I'm one of the most fortunate people in the world as I have many things to be grateful for: Family, Friends, Talent, Intelligence, Love, Providence, and much much more. But the best thing I have in me is my salvation in a God that has given me a brain to be able to think and put forth into words my gratitude of living my life today, nothing would've satisfied me in the way that God has. Now for a more personal look into my splendid weekend.

On Friday the 16th was the day I went to collect my report card and midterm marks from college. I got up early to anticipate the first time in a long time the feeling of over-flowing anxiety in my soul. I was the first to get my report card from my teacher advisor and he said I didn't do too badly, and probably the highest among his lot of students. I was pleased and brimming with pride, I looked at my report card. To my unexpected horror, I got a B in English! That was the subject I had the most problems with but I made sure it was the one subject I worked the most at, but unfortunately it wasn't to be for me and I pledged to do better at it in the future. The other subjects went alright as they were A's but I found out they weren't as good as compared to some other guys. Anyway, back to building up and working hard again.

After the report card, Grace and I went to watch 300 at Sunway Pyramid and trust me on this one, it was really good although I almost couldn't take the gore and violence that were freely showing on screen. I managed to stay in until it was all over and then I realised again how thankful I should be for not being born a Spartan and sent to fight powerful soldiers at the frontlines. It will never be the kind of job for me.

So we had a little friendly tournament among three teams on Saturday morning, and we won our first match with a scoreline that read "5-1" or something like that but then the scoreline reversed against us in our second and last match. That was when I felt that frustration and lack of confidence were pulling at us but then I thought again, our team were playing a strong, totally black and over-aged team so we couldn't complain much though I was sort of pleased to get my goal in the match that we lost. I have a future with my club and we were not to be put down that easily, so it's back to the training ground next week.

Later that day, we went to watch Stomp the Yard which was just another cliched movie where this nobody with talent becomes a somebody and he brings glory to wherever he is. He also gets the girl and everything works out well for him in the end. Anyway, it is a good movie to watch especially if you're dance-orientated. You will enjoy it!

Next was dinner at Lucy's corner, the name of my grandmother's place and where we usually have dinner on Saturday's. Well, the Gan's didn't turn up but then they missed the sumptuous meal we had so there were more than enough for us. I particularly enjoyed it, but who wouldn't when all your favorite dishes were there in front of you? Like I said, SUMPTUOUS!!!

I slept early that night cos I was tired and we had to get up early for church the next day. Church was having this footy booth set up to promote the game and an upcoming futsal event among its members, so my dad's cell members were just there taking admissions while I had to juggle the ball and show off some skills as part of my role in helping the guys out with this. It was okay, but I didn't do all too well as I was having an upset tummy. Seriously!

After church were the next few hours I particularly enjoyed because we went car shopping! My dad thinks I'll need a car when I get to drive and he knows I won't drive his mini cos it's old and it's rough. But anyway, we went to look at some used sports cars. We considered the MRS, RX-8, BMW Z4, and the Evo 8 until my dad suggested he wanted to look at the Audi TT. We couldn't find it in Naza World so we went to the Audi showroom at Glenmarie, Shah Alam. Mann, when I looked at the TT I fell in love with it but its price is exorbitant. We looked elsewhere and we settled for this car, I'm not revealing it's name for personal reasons but we're seriously considering it and I'd be pleased to have a car like that. I'll come back here with joy if it was known to me that I'll really be getting that car. Anyway, that was my weekend. It was good, it was fun, it was a first in my lifetime but probably not the best considering that I have a life filled with surprises. This concludes the end to my weekend March post, hope you guys enjoyed it! See y'all in abit =)

Life, In Half It's Difficulty Yet

2007-03-13T22:52:00.000+08:00

It's just past my self-set curfew for the night but I had to come here to not make my blog so plain and boring from lack of posts and pictures, but don't blame me. I rarely take photos these days, I smile for reasons other than the camera. Rigghhtt!!!

Anyway, the other reason why I'm posting is to relieve myself of the worst experience I've had in college so far this term. Today is actually the day when I've got the most homework and I had to spend like the entire day with my books open and thinking of words to satisfy my English lecturer. Fortunately, the thesis statement for the story which I composed in three minutes was able to make her grin and comment me on my work. But that only slightly lifted my mood till she had to give me another assignment which required another night of brainstorming to specific topics. I have never experienced stress of this sort before and the effects on me are constant lethargy, ruined mood, and minor headaches. One might say that my headaches are only minor but try another comment that will suit my personal record of never having headaches my entire life till now. Now you know, but I can only complain so much because I know what I wanna do and I know what I have to do to become what I wanna be in the near future. The odds are tipped in my favour and I know that, so I cannot let those, who's confidence in me has never waded, down. I just have to talk to somebody right now, but I don't wanna make the move because I know my problems are a little compared to the others facing whatever's out there.

Oh shit! Yeah, I realised after school today that the LCD on my phone broke but I don't recall bumping into anything so I do not have my phone with me for the night, how depressing! So I drove to town to fix it, with my dad beside me off course. He's been letting me drive for some time now, just so I get used to it.

Okay, enough of the depressing stuff. I need to know how to make my blog more interesting, so kindly leave comments please. I really dislike looking at the same thing over and over again though I really like my layout. To all creative and art-inclined people out there, I just need an artistic touch to my blog that would compliment my unpredictable character and mood swings. Need proper english, try contacting me. I also need an awakening, a more appropriate reason to go on living my tumultuous life. I know good things in life are hard to come by, but then I'm losing my passion. I'm losing my free time and I'm losing it all effortlessly. People with the right prescriptions, please pick up the phone and try and save me from my current state of stress and depression, goodnight~

Don't ask, I've been better

2007-03-11T15:58:00.000+08:00

Today's officially the worst day of 2007 so far, but it's surprising how it took so long to get here, and it's a Sunday for heaven's sake! It was actually the first kursus of our ( Jeremy, Ken, and I ) driving procedure and I had a torrid time. The former two had managed to get in at 9 cos they had their original IC's and I didn't and by the time it was my turn to be signed in, their system hung on them and I was delayed for two hours. It was a good thing I was patient then or I would've lost it and the hot sun didn't do anything to help the situation. Damn day...

Oh and I just found out that Messi scored a hattrick in the el classico match, it's pretty amazing how a 19-year-old could rip Real Madrid apart. I aspire to be of that calibre one day and hopefully get to play for an attractive team, whatever...

Tomorrow's the day when SPM students get their results back and so this part of the post wishes them the best of wishes, I hope you guys get what you deserve, especially those that didn't study as much. Haha! I'm being mean but that's life and you won't achieve much if you don't work hard right? Oh my, I'm being my preacher-self again. Anyway, I'm gonna get my term results back too. I can't wait, I know I did alright but I want a good score!

Shit! I'm broke as well, and I thought the week couldn't end in a more drastic manner. I miss my free time and I miss shopping, God knows I don't have time for any of that anymore =( But I did have time to watch a movie last night, we wanted to watch 300 but I'd never expect a huge crowd to be at 1U on a Saturday night. How silly of me, so we had to watched another show and in another cinema, the more inferior TGV. It was so crowded and smelly but the movie made up for it all, seriously. For those who haven't seen Pursuit of Happiness, you should find an opportunity to catch it. It's really good and Will Smith was outstanding! That show was good enought to mush me up man, haha! The qualities of the protagonist are ones that I admire but there are really few who're tough enough to go through what he did, it was fantastic!

So, enjoy the rest of weekend guys and have fun with the term break, lucky gits. See y'all soon!

I Could Get Used To This

2007-03-05T16:44:00.000+08:00

It is pretty ironic how what I am about to post so contradicts the wonderful experience I had with my previous post. Okay, so last weekend were the last few days of chinese new year and we had all sorts of food, eventful gambling sessions, the last round of yee sang, the weather was pretty gloomy... oh what the heck! Liverpool lost to Man U, that was f***ing point I had so much trouble bringing out. Well, it's not entirely the fact that they lost that I'm so pissed about but it's the fact that I have to deal with all those Man U fans who'll be looking to do their utmost best at rubbing it in my face over the next few days. But one goal, in the last minute, when they never deserved it! Well, you can't say much about that except that you know champions need their share of luck to become well,... champions and that's all they had against our Liverpool side. Totally against the run of play, my fist still hurts from the wall I punched on that night... Next comes Barcelona again, now I really don't wanna lose this. So, I'm gonna fast and pray. Rrrighttt!

Well, at least I had managed all my homework to be here to post my sad post. I cannot think of anything else to say or write but to send all ManU fans a scathing, vulgar letter. I'm a sore loser, let's just hope that doesn't happen alright? =)

In the meantime, here's a cool song I found out recently. The lyrics are lovely, the tune is gorgeous. Have fun! See you guys =)

"I COULD GET USED TO THIS"

A dozen roses arrive

What a perfect surprise

You greet me with a kiss

I could get used to this

You think that I look the best

When my hair is a mess

I can't believe you exist

I could get used to this

Because you know you're too good to be true

I must have done something good to meet you

'Cause you wrote my name all across your hand

When I freak you understand

There is not a thing you miss

And I could get used to this

I'm feeling it comin' over me

With you it all comes naturally

I've lost the reflex to resist

And I could get used to this

You love the songs I write

You like the movies I like

There must be some kind of twist

I could get used to this

Because you listen to me when I'm depressed

It doesn't seem to make you like me less

'Cause you wrote my name all across your hand

When I freak you understand

There is not a thing you miss

And I could get used to this

I'm feeling it comin' over me

With you it all comes naturally

I've lost the reflex to resist

And I could get used to this

If there's a dark side to you I haven't seen it

Every good thing you do feels like you mean it

You wrote my name all across your hand

When I freak you understand

There is not a thing you miss

And I could get used to this

I'm feeling it comin' over me

With you it all comes naturally

I've lost the reflex to resist

And I could get used to this

Being on Cloud 9

2007-02-25T15:13:00.000+08:00

WHAT IS THE BEST FEELING ONE CAN FEEL?

There are many answers to this question and there is no right answer. Or is there? You can answer the question in the chatbox at the side of the blog but I have an answer of my own too. Lately during the past few weeks, I thought I've lost my passion for the beautiful game (football) in favor of rest due to stress from school but a few things changed that and I'm so sorry for ever doubting the one thing I've managed to love all my life. First was the unexpected LIVERPOOL victory over BARCELONA and then came the training session I had on Saturday. It was actually a squad selection to pick the players to play in the KL League so the only thing that mattered to every player was playing his best to impress the head coach, my dad's good friend.

So back to the question, the best feeling I could ever feel is scoring goals. And the probable reason why I've been doubtful of my passion for the game was cos I've not been scoring in a long time, but yesterday was the best I could ever feel. I hit two long-range goals in front of the head coach, he'd be stupid not to include me in the squad right? Okay, so the first goal was an attempted cross but the moment I hit it I knew it was swerving towards goal and I was lucky the goalkeeper was off his line. Still, it must have taken something to beat a 6-foot goalkeeper. The next one came in the second half when everyone was tiring. I got the ball way outside the penalty box but I was already too tired to run at the defender so I took a yard and shot, now this one was intentionally hit with conviction and it swirled into the top corner of the far post. That field will never see a better goal than that, haha!

Well, now about the new year. It's been a great new year, the staying up late, the food, the family, the cash flow, the fun. On the negative side, only fatigue, shitty luck in gambling, and cock weather managed to only slightly dampen my CNY mood. It's back to school tomorrow and everyone dreads it, I know. Those who are even slightly excited about going back to school, well, you go be our next ambassadors or prime ministers or whatever but be aware, you'll die faster of stress, haha! I'm just kiddin', I'll be back soon. Later guys!

Oh! And those of you who've been eager to comment, you are cleared to do so now. It appeared that I had to make some adjustments in the settings, but nevermind that now. Have fun! * Cheers to the guys and kisses to the the girls*

The Fun Begins.... NOW!!!

2007-02-17T16:04:00.000+08:00

As Chinese New Year is just around the corner, I'm curious as to what people are expecting for the new year.

Some expect to collect as much money from red packets as possible,

Some hope to embrace the opportunity to eat,

While some others hope to meet up with as many friends as possible.

As for me, I hope to learn as much from the Chinese New Year traditions as possible. Call me weird but what's the point in living if one only stays within the perimeter of his own culture? And I'm not doing this cos I'm Chinese, I just wanna make most use of every different festive holiday period to learn about cultures.

Alright, enough of all these social nonsense! I've just completed my new year shopping today and I can assuredly say I'm satisfied. Well, not totally but it'll do for now. I bought these cool shirts from Guess and Zara and some leather boots from Pierre Cardin. I had so much trouble finding boots like the ones I really want but I found something as close to what I like today, and I find them so in now! Haha! And they totally suit the shirts I bought too!

So I went to 1Utama yesterday right? Oh, I went with isaac but not Jeremy cos he had some family thing to do. So, and we watched GHOST RIDER. Isaac asked me why didn't we get the couples' seat since it was just the both of us and I was like, "........". Found out he was just joking, hees! I went meet up with Grace and her family after that, and for all you who do not know her, she's my college study partner who's smart and fun to be around. Yeah, we walked around the mall looking at stuff for about an hour or so. But it was real fun teasing her and being around her and the family, it actually made my day doing so. Haha! Right, so that's how my end to the week went. It was fun and I certainly believe the week long break will be even fun-ner, wishing everyone a HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

p.s.* do think of me when you guys have your pockets filled with red packets =)

Never Saw It Comin'

2007-02-08T20:27:00.000+08:00

I found out how crazy college can actually be today while I was studying in the library during my break. I had just got back my biology test results and I thought I did okay, well good enough to put me in the top of my class and more reasons for people to call me a nerd. I mean what's with them right? They'll talk to you like you're socially inept but when you get your test results back they start treating you like a god. Pretty stupid, anyway I had this purposeless conversation with a girl while I was studying and it went something like this :

GIRL ( in this color cuz I hate this color and I think I hate her!) : " Uhh... How much did you get for bio?"

ME : " 43."

GIRL : " Out of fifty?! I hate you!!! " ( and she stormed off )

That actually ruined my break cuz I deserved some respect and some privacy right? At least from someone I don't even know. And as I watched her walk away, I thought that didn't happen and so I continued with the rest of my day. It didn't get any better cuz the period after break was interrupted by a power failure that affected the whole campus. Some of you might say it was cool to have classes cancelled so suddenly, but not when you've got notes to fill in from an incomplete lecture! So that's what I went through after school, slogging my way to fill in pages of incomplete sentences. It didn't cheer my mood up when I found out that the teacher posted the answers on the internet later this evening and I wanted to hit my head against the wall. What a day! At least there's no class tomorrow, instead there's gonna be the first football session for college but English test is on monday so there goes the weekend to studying.

Well, hope I have time and something interesting to blog about over the weekend. See you guys, have a good weekend. Yeah, you too. You know who you are =)

Oh yeah! Those of you who want a song to listen out for is "Over It" by Katharine McPhee. It's hot, trust me and those of you who know me knows that I know what I'm talking about. Hees!

Runaway Love

2007-02-02T21:47:00.000+08:00

I'm back! Back at home, back away from school, from stress and from everything and everyone else I thought would never exist. Two possibilities why, either they're weird or I am. Sorry for the major run-ons on my first sentence, it feels so good to be back here bringing it all out to this blog. And thank you all for even bothering to read them, I think I finally get the concept of blogging. *Grins sheepishly... Anyway, I didn't take a break from blogging. I was just too busy to even visit my own blogging website. Things have been tough, but they're starting to roll along now and I'm going with the flow. Thank goodness the CHINESE NEW YEAR break is approaching, I couldn't wait to get away from the workload and the freaks who've been tracking me over the breadth of Sunway for my notes. Damn these people, start paying attention for once right?! Anyway, two essay assignments due next week. DONE! Two tests to prepare for next week, FAR FROM STARTING! But jeez are they big for my marks, I guess I have to start soon. Poor me, can't seem to really get away can I?

I wanted to blog on the first day of February but I couldn't, so I had to do it today. It's so good to be here and let my memory do the talking. So why was I so busy when it was a holiday? I went out for my first movie this year, and my first in over a month. So it's pretty much-deserved right? Anyway, we watched the Holiday and it was pretty good. KATE WINSLET, she was gorgeous in the movie. I didn't know she looked that sweet and girly, she was eye-candy for me. CAMERON DIAZ, mm... Not quite at all. JT, what were you thinking being with her. Eeew! JACK BLACK was his usual adorable and hilarious self. JUDE LAW looked like a nerd with glasses and he was a Mr. Napkin Head. Haha! Everyone who knows about the movie should watch it, it's pretty damn good and with a star-studded cast, what reason is there not to right?

Okay, brief synopsis about the movie: Two ladies of very contrasting lifestyles, one from LA and the other from England, both face a similar situation in love. One of them can't get the guy of her dreams and the other falls out with every other guy she dates with and has never shed a tear in love, well, yeah. So, they both decide to get away from it all for two weeks in a house exchange program via the internet. They both exchange homes and they start to meet and fall in love with guys in the cities they're staying in. It all becomes twisted and dramatic, but it all comes down to a happy ending. I don't think I put it right, whatever. Go watch the movie!

Okay, I'm done for the night. Wish me to be posting soon and I will, promise! Haha! Have a good holiday everybody, cheers!

people always leave but those that you've opened your heart to will always come back

2007-01-22T22:14:00.000+08:00

Ming Zen with BFF Sean Liew

From left : Sean, Ming, Juss, and Adam

Here's a post dedicated to one of my closest friend, Lee Ming Zen. He will be leaving for Australia tomorrow to further his education. Well, I'm at a lost for words 'cause I've already felt what it's like to have people leave and believe me, it's some feeling, like the opposite of having someone you've never met in a long time come back again. The thing I don't get is why they leave just when we've opened up to them and they to us, like being snatched of something that you've waited to have for a long time. I'm not trying to make this sound bad for anybody but I dislike seeing my friends go away 'cause God knows how long it'll be till we see them again. It's not fair, but what is right? Well all I can say to you, Ming Zen, is that it's been an honour being a friend and being there for you when times were not so good. Don't you dare forget about us and we all wish you all the best in Australia. We don't wanna lose touch and we definitely wish to see you again, so have a safe flight and God be with you.

Champions Go Down Too!

2007-01-21T21:36:00.000+08:00

This Sunday was all about FOOTBALL, and I loved it! I skipped church, that sucked but God'll forgive me I suppose. I'll be back there next week, I rarely miss church. I know, I'm a freak but I love it there! Whatever, back to my point, notice the term football is in red. Why? It's 'cause Liverpool kicked Chelsea's sorry blue ass last night. Heck, I just realised I was wearing BLUE last night but whoever knows me knows I'm part of the KOP through and through. Yeah, that made my Saturday.

But today the club I'm with had a match with the International U-18 team. They're representing Malaysia in the international soccer tournament held in France I think. Anyway, we didn't do too badly even though we lost but I did meet up with some old friends. I'm really happy to see them where they're at now, it's my dream to be able to play with the best. Well, I think it all went fine today. I couldn't ask for more, well maybe I could but it'll come. Told you it was all about football! Hah! Till next time, adios amigo's!!!

Rising Stars & Open Doors

2007-01-20T10:28:00.000+08:00

I've finally got something BIGG to blog about and I'm not doing this to enhance the popularity of this piece of junk, I'm actually posting a tribute to my dearest cousin Summer. Early this morning she excitedly told me news that I knew she'd receive someday, but I never figured it would come so soon. Before I get to that part, I'd like to make a small introduction to this rising star.

Summer, the pretty girl with an enchanting charm and an infectious smile has always had a wish since she was young. She admired models and loved taking photos, she loved reading magazines and checking out modelling programmes, most noticeably AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL. The next thing she had in mind was to be a model herself, and from then on I've never met anyone else who was as sure to what they want as she does. In my opinion, she's got what it takes to be a model but at such a young age one can only imagine the greater things she'll achieve when she's older. Her understanding of the job is so proficient that she knows the work inside out and she has always tried to build up on her weaknesses, like public speaking. Though she's not perfect at it, her daily encounter with people of exceptional confidence has done her well in building that part of her up. Today, she is raw model material but with professional help she could be the next big thing. Mark my words, Summer you won't let me down right??

Right, back to this morning. She was the first person to chat me up to tell me something that made my day. Well, it wasn't the news that made my day but it was how I felt her elatedness as she told it to me. She said she has just been shortlisted for the WORLDWIDE PANASONIC ADVERTISING where she will compete with eight other girls for that coveted role. Breakthrough for someone so young? I believed she deserved it because of her persistence to be who she is today. The life of a girl, being moulded into a lady. It seems impossible to take it in all at once, wonder how her parents feel about this. Anyway Summer, it's been a joy watching you grow and being by your side, and it's always been my pleasure talking to you. I believe you can be that number one girl and not just for Panasonic, but also for the huge designers labels one day. You have my prayers and the prayers of the family and the readers. And uh, thanksforgivingmesomethingtoblogabout, hees! Stay tuned for updates!!!

Free Will is so Annoying

2007-01-18T20:16:00.000+08:00

It's raining heavily so I'm gonna rush through this post. Sad, I know but don't worry I'll keep coming back here...

So, does anybody have any idea how to find the best candidate to fill an important role? Say presidency or vice-presidency, whatever. Because there will be a student council election at school tomorrow and since I don't even know two of the committee members, I don't suppose I'll know who to vote for. Intuition leads me to vote for the hottest female candidate but I could be wrong in making a choice in terms on personality and leadership. So leave your comments, thank you...

Anyway, commentary of the week made by ANDY GRAY after OBAFEMI MARTINS scored the equaliser for Newcastle United against Tottenham Hotspur : " I've always known he had hits, but that one was well and truly hit! " You can catch that on Goals every Wednesday on ESPN, and now I'm off. Later peeps!

Influence v Impact

2007-01-17T20:49:00.000+08:00

Today I took notice of something unusual in our world filled with hostility and hate. I realised that there are several organizations trying to involve the best of their efforts in helping the messy situation in JOHOR. For those of you who are not up-to-date with the news of our world, least of which with our country, there has been severe flooding in Johor. Many organizations in the education, advertising, and food industries have been building up efforts to help relieve some of the problems over there. Despite the mass and individual problems challenging our world today, it's enlightening to see people taking notice of those in need and taking the initiative to do whatever they can.

Anyway, to another topic. In English today, we were supposed to write a one-page response to whatever or whoever is the STRONGEST influence in our lives. Something that has impacted us or changed the way we behave or think in some way. Many people mentioned music, sports, huge personalities, food and material things while others thought about their family members and friends. I have just completed my response and I wrote about my dad. I think I did that because all my life has been affected and moulded by him. I don't admire some of the traits I share with him but I am content with the way things have happened for me all my life and I'm sure many other people will say the same. So we're also supposed to bring an artifact that supports our response tomorrow right, and I took my dad's MINI COOPER keychain without asking him coz I don't wanna go through another questioning but I'm sure he doesn't mind. Wish me luck for my presentation tomorrow, you'll hear from me in the next post. Ciao~ "

Series of Bittersweet Events

2007-01-13T14:19:00.000+08:00

Okay I had a dream that lasted the whole night last night. It was an entirely random dream but it's never got me wondering like this before... The dream came about as an ordinary day and I spent that day with this one particular person, totally unexpected because this person was someone I knew particularly well. Then we received news that the whole world will be wiped out by a huge wave in just a few minutes. I found out that this person was my true love just when the wave came about and that was at the point I woke up. Strangely, I didn't jerk awake. It woke me like a gentle nudge but it got me pondering furiously as I was reluctant to get out of bed...

Anyway, I do hope I get some clarity on the dream because I don't dream much and this particular one felt oddly surreal. Be back in abit, later readers!

the Day is a Gift

2007-01-11T20:47:00.000+08:00

Great! I DO NOT have class tomorrow!!! This was broken to me as I walked into English period and listened to the murmurs of the people that were already there. Oh I really need the break, it feels like it's been awhile since I last had fun and a restful weekend. Hees! Too bad to you Jeremy, you have to go to college tomorrow. Haha!!!

I can say it's been a good week, learning stuff and getting along with new people. The people in english class are hilarious! Many of them just be who they are and open up no matter how well they speak English. Now that's something good to see, it's the people that make class fun. Can't say the same about the other periods but I guess they are still just as unsettled as I am, I hope that changes soon.

The weekends are approaching, that means dinner and football on Saturday night and church on Sunday. It's a normal routine but it always helps prepare me for Monday. I'm glad to see my cousins again,God knows I think about them every few days. Family, they're always with you no matter where you are.

Okay, this really doesn't sound like me. I'm crapping alot in here, oh well. See what happens in the next blog. Later!

You'll Never Walk Alone??

2007-01-10T19:01:00.000+08:00

I woke up to a miserable morning when I heard Liverpool had crashed out of yet another competition to ARSE-nal by a ridiculous scoreline ( 3-6 WTF!!!). I didn't know how to explain what happened and I'm sure the panel of football experts won't be able to either. Yeah you suckers laugh it up for all you like, but at least we have the most loyal fans in England.

Heck! It didn't get better at school as more homework was piled on,SHeEEshh!!! I'm glad it's done now *sighs of relief

Anyway, I didn't come here to complain. Maybe I did, whatever! It's still my blog isn't it so I have the right to say what I want.

I have nothing left to blog about, maybe I'll come back here to complain tomorrow. Hees!

Ciao suckers and Arsenal fans!

All at Once

2007-01-07T21:22:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking, there are certain people with whom you'll come across in life and they'll NEVER EVER leave you. They turn up when you LEAST expect they would. These are the people you have to learn to appreciate and try your best to keep...
Say childhood friends for example, I've just met up with the people I grew up,played, and schooled with. It's been years since we last saw each other and several of them have been out of the country studying. Now out of nowhere they all decide gather and to meet up. I definitely took the opportunity to meet them 'cause I've always had memories of them at the back of my mind. And I wasn't disappointed,'cause the people I once hung out with have grown into the LOVELY, GORGEOUS group I spent a hell of a night with! If I had anything to give thanks for, I'd be thankful for that fateful day I got my old friends back together again. I realised this while I was out with JoLynn and Eugene today, gawd I love you guys!
Okay, tomorrow is when classes start and I'm half-heartedly looking forward to it. Maybe I'm not ready, maybe I'm afraid but one thing is for sure, I have to get up DAMN EARLY to get to school tomorrow. But I miss my old school, I sometimes wish to have another year at that place. I guess it's part of moving on and I'm sure the happiest moments in there will be with me for the rest of my life. So to you guys who are reading this, USE WHATEVER TIME YOU HAVE LEFT TO GIVE YOUR BEST TO THE SCHOOL NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE AND HOW HARD THINGS MAY GET. Things will be great if you do your part for the good of the school. Gosh I sound like some preacher!
So yeah, to you guys I appreciate and to all viewers. You'll have a good year and things will always works out for your good in the end. Nite all, later~

the Accepted

2007-01-04T19:40:00.000+08:00

This is how my VIAO looks like, slick right??

It's been a GREAT week,exactly what I've been praying for! First of all,I took the entrance exam to Sunway on Wednesday and got accepted. Then later that night the family and I went to OU to get the notebook I was promised by dad. He went to have his look around 'cause he felt he could get something better than what I wanted,which was the VIAO C-13. In the end,we did settle for something better. The model before the C series, and we got it with some extra modifications and at a satisfactory price. This was everything I could hope for for my first week of the new year. Off course,things could've been so different and I wouldn't have blogged if I didn't get the VIAO. Well,that's about it for now. I'll probably start blogging again when the internet gets better,laters

it's 2007!

2007-01-01T16:59:00.000+08:00

Okay,here's the start of my first ever blog! *applause* Happy New Year to everybody firstly! it's actually a very boring first day of the new year for me but I've got no choice 'cause I've started studying for my college entrance exam. that's right,I'm going to college. Sunway in fact. It's actually a DO-OR-DIE exam for me 'cause if I don't get into Sunway, I'll have to go to TAR College 'cause we applied there and they offered me their A-levels (Science) program. Though, I still prefer CIMP than A-levels and Sunway over TAR. There's nothing much to compare between these two actually...

Anyway,enough about that. Today's probably not gonna get better for me 'cause I have to BABYSIT tonight while all the parents head out to dinner. I didn't have a say in that, my mum just woke me up early this morning and told me the plan. I wished I didn't get up,at least not today. Dang! I even had to snub my cousins to be at home tonight,what a day! But don't pity me,things like that happen to most normal people but I'm hopeful things will get better during the week. I'm praying for it at least! I'll keep you guys updated,wish me luck!